Friday, December 14, 2012

The Colors, The Ring, The Fantasy of Wedding Planning

As an Event Planner in my previous life, I always thought planning a wedding would be pretty awesome. Now, don't get me wrong....some aspects are AWESOME! Like when I finally decide on something. I find great success when I can finally choose something. There are so many options to consider when planning a wedding. The beauty of the internet is that all these options are at my disposal...and my fingertips....but that is what makes wedding planning so hard! 

There have been many times when I am ready to make my final decision. Credit card is out in hand and I am ready to make a purchase. Cha Ching! BUT WAIT....the little cricket on my shoulder says: "Oh my gosh, are you sure you aren't getting ripped off? Did you really find the best deal? What if you buy it now and then something changes over the course of time and you don't need this item anymore?" Then I chicken out and don't buy anything because I feel like everything else has to be in place first. I have some friends who tell me, "But it's your day. You should be happy, comfortable, excited about your choice, you have the love of your life...why does anything else matter, oh but don't get those shoes - they need to be more 'wedding style,' it's just another $50 bucks right...." and on and on.

Then I shake my fist in the air and say "You won't defeat me, Wedding! You can't take me down!" And then, I bite off all my nails (which are suggested that I have done in the french manicure style for my wedding day....but I refuse), I make the purchases, and I take a nap due to all this wedding exertion. Planning a wedding is difficult business. But, close friends and family will tell you that if I didn't feel challenged, I would be bored.

With all that said, plans are coming along slowly.....too slowly for my taste, but coming along nonetheless. Did I think I would have everything planned 2 months before my wedding....I did. Did I have two Bridezilla moments of panic, anxiety, and crying because things weren't moving up to the standard I expected.....I did. Did I realize that none of this wedding stuff really matters except the part where I am marrying the most wonderful man at the right place and the right time in the temple by the proper authority....I did. And did I decide after all this that I would still have a party on my wedding day.... I DID and I AM!!!

So, here are some things to look forward to.

Our Cake: courtesy of the best cake maker ever, Sarah Bennett. BTW: Since she has offered to make this cake, she has been bringing me other delicious treats to taste test for her. Good thing I only eat sugar on Sundays. This woman is phenomenal, and I am so blessed to have such a talented person make this cake for us.

Our Colors: This didn't prove to be as difficult as I thought. I always thought I would have yellow to match my sunshiney personality. BUT once we chose our venue, it was only "natural" that we would want something a little more "natural." Most of you know that we are having our ring ceremony and reception in an atrium. Already a beautiful indoor garden, we stuck with the colors green and cream with black highlights. I am so excited about these will help us welcome in the Spring....our favorite season.

There are so many amazing Green things out there, we weren't sure what to choose. I finally got together with some good friends (which I named my Conceptual Design Team) to help me hone in on the wedding ideas I have. With their help, I was able to come up with what to go for. I am still not sure how it is all going to turn out, but I know it is in good hands. Thanks to Kirby, Diana, Melissa, Natalie, and Melinda, this is going to be one amazingly decorated party.

Our Little Garden: Both Adam and I love to be outside. While we haven't been able to be outside together as often as we hoped, I love to pot and flower plants. Adam often buys me potted plants, some of which I have replanted in my little garden I started at my town house. I love to pretend I have a green thumb, even though my orchids would say differently. With that in mind, the inspiration for the wedding comes from this picture.

The Ring: Some of you have asked about the ring. Whenever I tell anyone about it, I am reminded of a Hallmark Movie. It begins as follows: My parents inherited some furniture from my Great Grandma Kingston (my mother's grandma). While going through the drawers, they found this amazing diamond engagement ring. Now, they aren't sure if it belonged to her or my Grandma, but in any case, it is an heirloom, and I am proud to wear it.

Friday, November 30, 2012

I am inspired

Some of you know that I have been super into buying dance movies lately. It all started last year when I lived with one of my coolest roommates, Jen. Prior to our becoming roomies, we had "Step Up" marathon. Sure, my dancing history has mostly been making my way across one end of the gym to the other during Stake Dances, but I have always had the desire to do just a little more. I started to take classes from my cuz back in the day and lost balance once trying to breakdance...and haven't really pursued my dream. Perhaps I need to start with a little something like this. 
  And maybe one day, you will see Adam and I on the dance floor doing a little something like this. I wonder if we have time to learn this before the wedding....perhaps we can put on a show.

Monday, November 19, 2012

Caught on Camera

I am so grateful....

You are right, the world is a much better place than I lead on sometimes.

Friday, November 16, 2012

Less than perfect

I have never been one to struggle with the need to be perfect. Things for me don't have to be is unrealistic. I do struggle with high expectations. I don't know why I have them, they exist inside me and control my very fiber. One thing about this that I detest is being disappointed. With this disappointment comes resentment, overreaction, and let's face it....DRAMA. One thing I know is that this is a story. A piece of made up fiction. No one tells me who I am except God and myself. And generally, God tells me amazing things about me. I have a tendency to tell myself lies. Today the lie is: I am not good enough for this job. I keep messing up. I screwed up the trust I have with my employer. This can't be remedied. I should just quit, or leave before I mess up again. 

Fact is...I am creating this deep dark energy myself. And even though I recognize it, it takes me a while to step out of it. One thing the closest people in my life know is that I am super hard on myself. Yes, I know. And I blame this on is a no win situation when I am in it. It takes a couple days for me to get out of it and recognize that I am here to make mistakes. It takes me a while to know that I am capable of great things and with great things sometimes comes great responsibility and sometimes great mistakes...this is what learning is all about. It take me a while to understand that making mistakes is part of being human, and as some of us know humans are not perfect. The only perfect person is Jesus Christ, and I am not Him. But I am trying to be like him. 

In the meantime, I will struggle to snap out of this funk. I will not quit my job. I will listen to the advice of my employer for what to do in the future, and not get defensive about my mistake. I need to own it. Making mistakes is not wrong, it is how I grow.

I am just trying to learn how to snap out of this feeling faster.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

My Favorite Election FB posts: Proud to be an American

Here are some of my favorite Facebook status posts, of which I heartily agree:
This election has been historic and frankly, so overwhelming in coverage, reports, posts and tweets. It's been interesting to see how divided people are in their thinking about both Mitt Romney and President Obama. I believe these are good men, with the best intentions for America. Although the vote didn't swing my way, I'm optimistic about and supportive of President Obama. I heard a lot of great things from him that I hope come to fruition. It's going to be an exciting 4 years. In reflecting on what I've learned, I would say my greatest take away is to "pay attention" to the decisions being made moving forward. So as to empower my understanding in the future and hopefully eliminate, in large part, the 'scare tactics' I felt where abundant in this election. - Matt Buttle
I see many comments about today being a terrible day for America. I disagree. Today, as Americans we exercised our right to vote. We did not worry for our safety on the trip to or from the polls and a peaceful transition of government will ensue in January. Today was a great day for anyone who exercised their right to vote. The simple fact that we had the opportunity to use our agency and make a choice today is something that we should be grateful for. It is wonderful. - Nathan Maynes
Regardless of who wins today & regardless of your political beliefs, tomorrow we will wake up & be the same people we were today. We will still focus on being good fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, & fellow citizens because that is what makes this country great. - a post from Nathan King
AMEN to you all. What a great race! What a great country! I am proud to be an American!

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Book Review

Riding on the metro to get to work has several perks. My favorite: Reading BOOKS! I saw this ad the other day that said: I always have to buy a book from the bookstore even though I have 10 at home I haven't's a curse. AMEN to that. And now that I have time to read on the metro, I am speedily reading through some of those books I have had on my shelf for years. It also means that I feel like every time I go to the bookstore, instead of one book, I have to buy know, to compensate for all those other books I am reading....and yet, there are still 10 on my shelf I haven't read. OK, more than 10. I am on Goodreads, but haven't updated it yet. 

In the meantime, I thought I would put a list together of those books I have read, just to keep a 'reading journal' and provide some immediate feedback about some of them. I will also justify some of my reads....just because it will make me feel better and make me look better to my readers than if I didn't.


Currently Reading Northanger Abbey, Jane Austen: 4*

I am getting bored with the story, which is most unlikely since I love Jane Austen. I think I am having a hard time with a character who is so truly naive. This is not my favorite of Austen's works. Her writing style is different in comparison with others.


Mansfield Park, Jane Austen: 5*

I haven't read too many Jane Austen books....which will shortly be remedied, but the writing of this particular piece is beautiful. I really wish that I could read the dialogue in the ending between Fanny and Edmund. It reached its conclusion too quickly for me. I wanted more closure of feelings. However, this is not a reflection of the writing, so much as it is my own personal taste. I loved that this book took me a while to read. The dialogue and thoughts of propriety and ambition of the times were very new to me. I was exposed to some of it watching Jane Austen and time period movies/shows. However, the descriptions of it in this book lend a more revealing glance into societal pressures and norms of the time.

Edenbrook, Julianne Donaldson: 4*

This book follows the same classic style of Jane Austen books. The temper of the character is realistic, but the book was a little too predictable. It took me only three days to read because I couldn't put it down.

Brave New World, Aldous Huxley: 3 1/2* for content 4 1/2* for writing

I only knew of this book by seeing the tale end of a show. The writing was different - the first chapter left me a tad confused, but I knew the writing was more artistic in nature. The concept was thrilling...and so ahead of its time. I have always thought of books that discuss a future utopian society to be thrilling. Much of the ideas were outlandish to me, and tread on the line of what I would really want to soak in. I wasn't a super huge fan of the over sexualized parts of the plot, because of my own sensibilities. I probably wouldn't recommend this book.

August 2012

Holes, Louis Sachar: 5*

I love young adult fiction. I do not need to worry so much about my sensibilities. I loved the creative genius of this book. I have always enjoyed Louis Sachar as I believe he really is a kid at heart and captures the lives of the young men quite realistically. He does a fantastic job with how a boy of those ages would really react. The storyline is impressive!

The Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald: 5*

Classic. A re-read for me. I loved it.

City of Glass, Paul Auster: 1/2*

Not a fan. Didn't like is rigidity or crude architecture. Didn't like the story. Read the first 3 chapters just to see if I could get past my first impressions. I couldn't, and therefore did not finish.

I have forgotten the time frame of when I read these others. I am going to say from March-August:

Peter Pan, J.M. Barrie: 5*

His writing is remarkable. I still can't believe how he is able to dive into the child's mind. Toward the end though, I was ready for a good wrap up. Call it the adult in me, but there was too much Neverland for me...I was ready to leave.

Great Expectations, Charles Dickens: 5*

The story is unique and wonderful. I couldn't put it down. I actually took one day of solitude to completely finish it. I was not disappointed. Generally, after reading classics, I leave wanting more....but for some reason, the ending to this book was exactly what it needed to be. I am quite impressed by the character and plot development, and love Dickens' look into the 10 year old mind.

The Great and the Terrible Series, Chris Stewart: 3 2/3*

Not quite a 4 for me. The idea is enchanting, and allows me to think about the things I know versus the things that I speculate regarding pre-mortal, mortal, and post-mortal life. I honestly have not finished the series due to the fact that I was tired of reading about destruction. I needed something more uplifting and a little less predictable. However, the predictableness in the story made me really ponder predictability of my life. While as the character in my own story, I am unable to make predictions about my life, I am sure if my life were a book series, and I could see the end and understand the knowledge of the spiritual order, my life would be predictable. Thank goodness for the Gospel of Jesus Christ that lets me have piece in such an unpredictable way.

North and South, Elizabeth Glaskell: 5*

The BBC series just can't capture all the detail and moving personality of the characters. I was blown away by the deep conversations of politics and prejudices between the love interests. It made the story a little more real than what was portrayed in the BBC series. Although I love them both, I would have to say I enjoy the book better. I love Margaret Hale's character. She is deep and passionate. Glaskell really captures the intensity of industry, hard work, and entitlement. In writing, the differences between the North and South are justly argued and paint a fair picture of reality that are not quite as captured in the film.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Open House in Utah

We are super excited about our newest planning detail for our wedding festivities!

Adam and Lindsey's Open House

We will be having an open house at the Armstrong Mansion, located at 667 East 100 South Salt Lake City, UT 84102. 

I am so excited about this for several reasons:

1. My Great Great Grandmother was Isabella Armstrong. She used to reside in this home that has been converted into a bed and breakfast. I feel a strong connection to this home and am excited to introduce my hubby to it and feel the strong surroundings and impressions of my ancestral heritage.

2. I miss my family and all my peeps in Salt Lake City. It will be nice to see everyone and introduce you to the love of my life! My sweetheart, Adam, has buddies in Idaho and Vegas who we hope will be able to make an appearance.

3. It is small and quaint....which means more intimate moments with people I care about!

4. We will be having Oreos...a treat my dad wanted at his wedding, but couldn't have. Don't worry, we will forgo his dream of pizza.

We will be keeping the event super low key, but I will be in my dress, and Adam will be sporting a super swanky suit. We will continue to post details, but I do know that there is an LDS church down street with adequate parking since parking is limited to the street.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Officially Official

My mom would tenderly and thoughtfully bug me about whether or not she could start telling everyone that I was engaged. I had to tell her over and over "No, mom....he hasn't really officially asked me yet." I knew that it wasn't official in his mind until he got down on one knee and put a ring on my finger. I am sure her thought was: Sure, but you have the date set, the temple is booked, you told all his family...why can't I tell the world? I had a hard time keeping it secret too, but I knew it was important for Adam to stick with tradition....and the last thing I wanted to do was take away his man-card!

We were offered this beautiful heirloom ring that we think belonged to my Great Grandma. My mom sent it and we had it sized. When the jeweler was finished, they called me and I told Adam. I thought he would swing by, pick it up and then try to surprise me that night....he didn't. 

The following evening, Sunday September 16, 2012, I made dinner for a good friend and Adam. We had a wonderful evening full of laughing, tears, conversation, and great food. At the end of the night, I took my friend home and Adam stayed and did my dishes and greeted me as I came home. I came in, thanked him for doing my dishes, gave him a smooch, and sat on the couch. He started playing some saxophone music he found on Youtube....and no, it wasn't the Sexy Saxophone man. He grabbed me off the couch and danced with me in my living room. He told me all of these amazing, gushy things. I knew what he was up to, but I just let him talk. Sometimes even though he was in the middle of his speech, I would interrupt him and say something gushy back. Then, he got down on one knee. Even though I already knew we were getting married, and already knew how he felt about me, I cried. He said "I love you so much and need you in my life, forever, and want to be sealed to you for time and all eternity. Lindsey Blau will you marry me?" Crying, I nodded and remember uttering 'yes.' He put the ring on my finger - perfect fit. I took his hand, helped him up and we embraced and smooched, and embraced again.

I never had an idea or expectation in my mind of how I wanted to be proposed to. He told me that he wanted to plan something elaborate. To be honest, having him there with me that night in a normal situation, knowing that we might have similar nights just like that, was perfect. Adam is such a romantic...and has the ability to make anything romantic, and I didn't need anything elaborate. Being in the comfort of my home made me excited for our future home....wherever that may be.

Since September 16, things have gotten unpredictably better and better. I enjoy getting to know him more and more, and am often overwhelmed by his thoughtfulness. Yes, we fight and bicker over little random things, but overall those little things don't matter in the long run....and I am excited to hit those big things hard when we get there.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Unofficially Official

Over the course of my dating life, I turned into one of those girls who liked the idea of being married, but wouldn't talk about it with those I was dating until I knew they were serious. I had relationships in the past where the guys would discuss getting married with me. As a consequence of talking about something so remarkable, I would get super excited and attached to the idea of marrying them. When it didn't happen, I would be heart broken.

First thing you should know:
Adam would often mention being married to me and all the different things that would happen. I refused to talk about it for a while, but after persuasion and sweet words, I caved, but didn't actually say the word 'marriage' or 'married.' Instead, I used the word 'smurfed' after a game that I have played where a player has to guess the action verb the other players have chosen by substituting the word 'smurf.' For example if the action verb is 'playing football,' and I don't know what the action verb is and I have to guess, I can only do so by saying, "have you ever smurfed in public?" or "does smurfing involve multiple people?" etc, until I guess what 'smurfing' really is. Regardless, we talked about being smurfed.

Second thing you should know:
Adam and I discussed our dating styles long before we talked about being smurfed. I indicated that while my other relationships happened fast and furious, that for the past couple of years, I wanted to get to know someone at a much slower pace. He agreed that he was also of that same sentiment. Thus, we decided not to place any expectations on the relationship and let it evolve as fast or slow as it and we wanted. 

During our relationship, Adam would say cute things to me like "I need you" "I want you." It became an inside joke, and it always made me smile. One day he looked at me rather intensely and said "I need you!" I laughed. He said, "No, I REALLY need you in my life." I looked at him and could tell that there was more meaning in what he was saying than ever before. I said, "So, do we need to talk about this seriously?" He said, "Well, I know your dad is only in town for a couple more days...I was kind of hoping to talk to him." I remember opening my eyes super wide and saying, "Oh, you are SERIOUS!" I remember smiling a lot as we discussed some details and particulars.

He talked to my dad, and shared with me the sweet moment. I waited a while before I told some of my family and he told his family. I laugh because my mom called me every day to see if she could start spreading the news to all of our friends. I told her to hold off until he officially proposed to me with a ring. I said, "Let him do the man thing mom...we can't take that from him!"

I laugh at the waiting game though. By the time he proposed we had already selected and called the temple to solidify the date, put a deposit down on the reception center, and I got my dress.....

Thursday, September 27, 2012

How I Knew: The Definition of Knowing

I never liked the saying "you know when you know" or "you just know." can someone just know? Then I realized that the definition of "knowing" means different things to different people. For some "knowing" means having one culminating, revelatory moment of confirmation. For others "knowing" could mean feeling comfortable enough in a relationship and having certain nuances and attitudes that are revealed as pleasant, liveable, and something worth aspiring to obtain. In some instances "knowing" doesn't happen until a person is willing to let it happen. When fear and doubt get in the way, "knowing" is difficult. In other cases trying to "know" before it is our time to "know" can prevent us from "knowing," or at least attribute to not understanding how we "know" best.

For me it was "knowing" was a mixture of events, conversations, and allowing our souls to maintain its original connection with the desire to increase. Some of my favorite moments that played into "knowing": 

  • He itched my toe once....I will never forget it, toe?
  • I cry. I just do. I own it. Adam does not get uncomfortable with my tears. Whether brought on by joy, frustration, healing, happiness, anxiety....he let's me do it, and often wipes my tears from my face.
  • Sometimes I feel like I am stagnant and need to progress. When I get to this space, I seek challenges...ones that will make me grow. Most often I end up disliking the journey, but I am working on dealing with these challenges with more grace. Bottom line - I seek progression. So does he. This was made very clear to me on our first date. He is motivated, driven, and knows when to slow down. In this respect, he complements me. I run until I am burned out. He runs just as fast as he needs to.
  • When we go to a party, I don't have to babysit him. He is working the room. He is just as social (if not more) than I am....imagine that!
  • He is annoyingly concerned for my, and secretly, I love it.
  • When I am a brat, he still comes around....weird.
  • When I am hurt, he rushes to my! Seriously though. When my mom was in town, we were all cooking in the kitchen and I burned myself and almost broke out into "the swears". My mom is used to my overreacting when I am hurt or sick, and doesn't react to my reaction anymore :) However, Adam rushes to my side.
  • He makes everyone feel included, and I love it.
  • He makes me giggle when he is not even trying to.
One night we were talking - teasing each other. We stopped talking just to look at one another. The silence was comfortable. The feelings in our hearts grew. The next thing I knew, he started talking to me about my worth in the eyes of himself and Heavenly Father. I cried. This very tender exchange opened up a whole world for where I could see my life become part of his, and his life become part of mine. 

All of these things aided in "knowing," but perhaps even more significantly, this one specific instance is when I knew I was in love with him.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Our First Date: Great Sushi, Music, Connection

Adam didn't waste any time calling me for our first date. That is one thing I love about this man...persistence! As soon as he got my phone number, he called me the next day to set up our first date. Due to schedule conflicts, the only time that would work was that night - the night after we met (April 23, 2012). Smooth, right!?

He was new to the area and didn't know of any good sushi places, so he let me choose. We met up at one of my new favorite sushi joints (I am totally a sushi snob) Sweet Ginger in Vienna. *Side note: some of the best sushi restaurants are in strip malls.

During the course of the meal, I liked that he was adventurous when it came to food. I am a huge foodie, and love dining with people who also love food almost as much as I do.

I was not surprised by how smooth the conversation was, but how he and I were able to keep up with one another in thought. To be honest,  Adam has this incredible ability to connect with people, and so do connection was not an issue. THEN, he told me his story. He shared with me some very personal thoughts and feelings about the love he has for God, and for the decisions that have shaped who he is, and where he wants to go. He was completely open and vulnerable to sharing these truly personal and intimate details that so often I had not been privy to during any other first dates. For me, it was refreshing to speak with someone so in tune and willing to share his emotions and feelings. At one point he asked about my testimony. 

He asked me to share some of the most wonderful lessons I learned because I had the gospel of Jesus Christ in my life. At the time, I recently had some insight into life issues and shared with him my understanding and perspective of those insights. Within these moments, I was touched by the Spirit reaffirming my testimony, and in that moment, I cried. For those who know me, you are probably not shocked. But, I was. It was a very special moment...not very many men get to see me cry on a first date. Other times yes, but on a first date...hardly ever.

He handed me his napkin, and responded in a kind way toward my experience. He and I continued in more serious and not so serious conversation the rest of the evening. It also helped that our food was amazing. I don't think we wanted to part from one another, so we jumped in his car to listen to some of our favorite tunes (another favorite date night activity...anything with music)!

By the end of the evening, the connection deepened, and I couldn't wait for him to ask me out again....but I did....and it drove him nuts :)

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

How We Met: Cleaning With Purpose

Some of you know that I received a calling (volunteer activity) to feed glorified snacks to members of my singles ward (congregation) almost every Sunday...which we call Munch and Mingle. At the time, I was working with several other members of the ward, and it was fun...and often hectic trying to get everything ready to go, and cleaning up after. I found that I had a limited amount of time to socialize with other members because I was busy with the event...which left little time to flirt with members of the opposite sex. 

I remember hearing from my ecclesiastical leader, Brother Cram, that the leaders were thinking about releasing me from my calling. Time went by and I was still responsible. I didn't mind the responsibility, but again it limited my flirting abilities, including the prospect of going to other singles wards to meet men. I remember a semi-serious conversation I had with Brother Cram that went something like this, "How am I supposed to get married when I don't have time to flirt? You said you were going to release me already!" It has now become a standing joke between the two of us...and he always asks me "How's the flirting going?" 

I was released....3 months later. On the last day I performed my service, an onslaught of new nannies, pest boys, interns, and security boys came to the ward. Since it was my last day, I took it easy and mingled. I was able to meet my fair share of gentlemen and ladies and started to clean up. I was conversing with one pest boy in particular who seemed to have a keen interest in my friend....little did he know that she was almost engaged. However, his attention slowly made it my way. We chatted about sushi, music, small details, and I remember making each other laugh. It was a very natural conversation. 

I noticed the time and realized I needed to start cleaning. I continued to talk to him while I cleaned. Then he asked if he could help....and while I had my select few that always helped (thank you) was quite an unexpected and wonderful surprise that someone I had only known for 4 minutes wanted to help. So, I did what I do best.... and put him to work.  

He followed me to the broom closet where I unleashed the secret of the church basement that used to be some sort of locker room. There is also this super creepy storage area that used to be showers. I had only been shown this mysterious room a couple months earlier and think it is the coolest place in the whole building. He joked about me taking him to the dark closet only having known him for such a short time. Little did I know that he had been a plumber and found the space fascinating. 

After we cleaned up, I was ready to go home, but he lingered and asked if we could do sushi sometime, and asked for my phone number reminding me that his name was Adam Pence.

Thank you Brother Cram for not releasing me when you said you were going to and letting timing of the Lord catch up to impatient, little me!! :) 

Who would have thought that on my last day serving that I would have enough time to socialize (flirt) to meet the man I will soon call my husband.....

He Got That Fresh Deal

We are getting married!

Adam Pence and I are excited to announce our decision to be sealed for time and all eternity on February 21, 2013 in the DC temple. It has been an incredible journey for us and we are excited to share our story with all our friends and family. I have already received so many notes and phone calls of congratulations and best wishes and am overwhelmed with what a lucky girl I am! 

I thought I would first post the important details before getting on with our story. 

When: Thursday, February 21, 2013 Sealing Ceremony at 11:00 a.m.

Where: Washington DC Temple of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints located in Springfield, MD

Additional Ceremony: We will be having a special ring ceremony shortly after our sealing ceremony followed by a reception at Meadowlark Botanical Gardens Atrium, this amazing and beautiful location my Aunt Eva introduced me to, and something we both fell in love with. 

Other details including the "when" to come!

Since we have only been engaged for less than 48 hours...we hope you will forgive the TBDs ;) 

We would like to have an engagement party in Indiana, and are also toying with the idea of a chill open house in Utah. 

I know some of you have been asking about details, of which we would love to share.The next couple of days, we will do our best to tell our story. Here is what we will cover:

  • How We Met
  • Our First Date
  • How I Knew 
  • We are Unofficially Official: The First Proposal
  • Officially Official: The Second Proposal 
  • The Ring
  • Other Details to Come

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Ready for Cheese?

I have to say, I'm a pretty lucky girl.

Some of my faves:
  • Yoga in my kitchen
  • Rapping for me on my birthday
  • The time he itched my toe for me
  • When he carries me, and doesn't huff and puff ;)
  • Making up
  • How he reacts like that dog on "UP" who says "squirrel," every time a car drives by
  • Singing songs to me before I go to bed
  • Saying super cheesy things to me that make my heart swoon
There are so many other serious things I love about this man too....but that is just SO cheesy!

In the meantime, a good friend posted this, and I loved it:

“He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.” ― Bob Marley

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Why I Pay Tithing to My Church

I had a coworker who asked me about what happens to the money our church members contribute for tithes and offerings for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I thanked him for asking me about it because I was able to really think about how I feel about my contributions, re-investigate what I know about tithing in the church, and why I have chosen to contribute. Here was my written response to him:

Here are some articles and websites that explains a little more about what the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints does with tithing, and other items that might demonstrate the financial status of the church. If anything, the links I provided are educational and discuss how the money serves not just our members, but also others who are in need physically and spiritually. 

First, it is important to note that tithing funds are, as purposed by the Church: ... always used for the Lord’s purposes—to build and maintain temples and meetinghouses, to sustain missionary work, to educate Church members, and to carry on the work of the Lord throughout the world.

You can read more about tithing HERE. You can also read about where the 10% goes.

As per revelation, some ways in which the church carries on the work of Christ throughout the world includes:

1.      Humanitarian Efforts: LDS Charities: LDS Charities was established by the Church in 1996 to enhance Church involvement in relief and development activities throughout the world to Mormons and non Mormons alike. News article about LDS church explaining its approach to charitable giving. 

2.    Other ways and things tithing is used for:
  • Perpetual Education Fund: The Perpetual Education Fund (PEF) has been established to provide worthy young adults of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints with the support and resources necessary to improve their lives through education and better employment to better serve their family, the Church, and their community.
  • Church Welfare Plan: a program establish to help all of us become more self-reliant and to follow the Savior in helping people help themselves.
  • LDS Employment Resource Services: For the unemployed. This is available to everyone.
  • Family History: A free service for all people to begin searching their ancestry and make connections with their family lines
The list mentioned above is intended to help the physical and spiritual well being of its members, which in turn produces a people based on giving....not just to members, but to all.

In addition, a yearly audit report is distributed to the public every year, which can be viewed on the church website.

Might I also point out a quote given by our late prophet, President Gordon B. Hinckley: “There are so many who are hungry and destitute across this world who need help. I am grateful to be able to say that we are assisting many who are not of our faith but whose needs are serious and whom we have the resources to help. But we need not go so far afield. We have some of our own who cry out in pain and suffering and loneliness and fear. Ours is a great and solemn duty to reach out and help them, to lift them, to feed them if they are hungry, to nurture their spirits if they thirst for truth and righteousness.”

On a more spiritual note: I have been paying tithing since my youth. It wasn’t until I prayed about its great significance and power that my faith to help build the kingdom of God on earth was stimulated. I am grateful that the church has made it possible to help those around me in need. I may not be able to immediately see the needs of those around me. I also recognized that there are people who are proud and don’t want to let others know that they are in trouble (like myself when I was struggling). I am grateful that I have the opportunity to contribute 10% of my income to a wonderful, Christian cause. I believe in its power not only for the creation of houses of worship, where our wonderful Savior visits its halls, but also in its ability to strengthen my faith and relationship with Christ. I pay my tithing because He has asked me to sacrifice so little compared to His ultimate sacrifice. Each one of us in the church has to realize our own testimony, and will contribute what they will. But as for me, I choose to give, because I know it makes me happy and because I love the Lord.

Anyway, thank you for letting me share my testimony of tithing! I hope it was enlightening.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Mormons Also Don't Brush Their Hair

I love my job! Not kidding....LOVE IT! I work with some stellar men and women who understand my fascination with trying to make things better, and making sure everyone is happy. 

Yesterday, I took a quiet lunch and thoroughly enjoyed my Lebanese leftovers from the nice dinner my dad took me to the night before. I knew that I would have to refresh after my garlic-infested, yet amazingly delicious, meal. So, I chewed gum, ate mints, and did whatever I could to make sure I didn't wreak because I had a 4-hour meeting with my team.

During one of our breaks, I made one of my teammates sniff around and near me to make sure he couldn't smell me. I recognized that my request could have come across odd, but because I work at a cool job with super cool people, he obliged. He also knows that I hate making people feel uncomfortable...and would have eaten a jar of peanut butter if it meant that I could stop smelling so much like garlic. I must state again...I love the people I work with.

After conducting a rather extreme smelling test, he said, "No, have nothing to worry about....but seriously, I didn't know that Mormons couldn't brush their teeth!" To which I jokingly responded, "Yes, the holy writ says we shouldn't." Little does he know that Mormons also don't brush their hair.

Friday, July 27, 2012

Little Things That Freak Me Out

  • Colorless hand soap that isn't foamy
  • When people who aren't in my phone call me and don't leave messages
  • Talking about ingrown toenails 
  • Seeing grease spots on the metro windows from where someone was resting their head
  • Abnormally big mouths

Friday, June 8, 2012

Until We Meet Again - Scottie Pace

When Scott and I met

One Friday evening I was riding to a young single adult swim/skate event in Northern Virginia. While my car mates argued about the best way to get to the event, I noticed a car that had license plate rim that said “Sierra Vista” written on it. I was floored.  I thought “I am from Sierra Vista….I know everyone from there! Who is this? Oh my gosh, we are following this car on these random back streets…this doesn’t just happen!” I shouted to my driver “Follow that car!!!” The driver was taken aback as I continued to think out loud saying, “Wait a minute, they are headed to the event. I thought I knew all the singles from Sierra Vista.” Turns out the car was heading away from the event, but I was so curious as to who it was that I demanded the driver follow him. Instantly the car in front made a U-turn and headed back to the even (those darn GPS’). I was sure the driver was scared that we so intently followed them/him. We ended up parking right next to the car, I jumped out before our car came to a stop, and went right over to the side of the Sierra Vista stranger’s car. Realizing my act may have been brazen and a little crazy, I slowed down to give the driver enough time to exit the car without feeling threatened.

Cautiously, a young man exited his car, looking at me like I was about to tackle him. A little blunt, I blurted “Sierra Vista, Arizona – I’m from there. Who are you?” He laughed at me and told me his name was Scottie Pace and asked me mine. When I told him I was Lindsey Blau, he threw his head back smiling and said “Did you know that we were supposed to have been set up on a blind date a year ago when you had your high school reunion?” I instantly recalled the night my former Bishop, Gary Haymore, and his wife Del Anne tried to connect me with one of their Young Single Adults (YSA)s. I was bewildered at the recall. We got to know one another fairly well that evening, and reconnected shortly after during a beach trip to Virginia.

Divine Intervention

I am not one that believes in coincidences. I have no doubt in my mind that my relationship with Scott was divinely orchestrated. While our time was brief, I was touched by one particular experience that has shaped my character in ways I never thought possible.

I received an email from Scottie about visiting some of his soldiers at the Walter Reed hospital in Bethesda. The email detailed an account of two soldiers who were apparently down due to friendly fire. He recounted the story about how ground control called in air support to help them take out the enemies shooting at them. When the pilots were in the air, they lost communication with ground control. One of the pilots thought she was the one that released her bombs early and hit her soldiers during the raid.

Around this time, I was reacquainted with a buddy from high school who was an army medic at Walter Reed. I told him I wanted to go visit the soldiers, asking if he wanted to come too. He called me immediately letting me know that the soldiers were just placed under his care since the soldiers were part of the 82nd Airborne. Again, this doesn’t just happen.

We paid the visit with one of the soldiers and his family. He was doing well and in good spirits. We wanted to spare telling him the details of the email (knowing the persons who may have contributed to him being in the hospital), but we did tell him that one of the pilots sent me there to tell him how much his service meant to his unit, and that Scottie Pace wished him a Merry Christmas.

Then, my friend asked him the details of what happened that day. He recalled the story that they called air support, air support did their thing, then left and 25 minutes after air support left, they were bombed by the enemy.

While there was no official report of what happened that day, Rudy double checked his story and again he reiterated that he was not injured due to friendly fire. After the account, Rudy told the soldier that it was reported that one of the pilots thought she contributed to his injury. He immediately said, “Give me her phone number. She needs to know this was not her fault.”

This experience taught me so much about the man Scottie Pace was/is. He cared for people so deeply and so profoundly. He allowed the Spirit to direct him to reach out to his friends, so we would have the opportunity to mourn with mourners and gave me the opportunity to strengthen those I visited, adding to my testimony of the mercy and love of Jesus Christ. That is why we are here in the first place. Scottie taught me that.

I know that this particular situation altered my perception and view of personal revelation and goodness. I KNOW that there were higher forces working on something during this experience. I just can't get over the timing of everything. What I failed to mention was this whole experience happened in 3 days…that’s it.

Day 1, Saturday: Reunited with my buddy Rudy, (Staff Sergeant Nunez)
Day 2, Sunday: Re-read Scottie’s email sent only 1 week prior.
Day 3, Monday: Sent Rudy the info asking if he wanted to join me to visit the soldiers. He called me right away saying they were JUST placed under his care. Visited with one of the soldiers (the other had been sent to NM) that night. Emailed Scottie the next day.

The Man Scottie Is

It was not hard for me to become close with Scottie, and while our communication varied in frequency, I always felt a special and fun bond with him. Just two months ago, I wrote an email to him that said:

“I was recalling a memory of mine, which - if you remember - is tremendously lacking as of late. It was in Virginia Beach. Upon arrival to the beach, you offered to carry my beach bag. I knew you hurt your wrist and felt bad about you carrying it, but because of your amazingness, you carried it. Later, I could tell you were in pain, but even though you were hurting, you didn't complain all that much, but I could tell you needed the drugs. I was going to go to the car by myself to get you some, but you insisted on accompanying me because you didn’t want me to go by myself. For some reason, this has had a lasting impression on me. That is why I was thinking about you the other day.”

To which he responded, “I blame my mother ;).”

I always admired how much he loved and cared for his family. It was during the beach trip that he talked of his fond love of his family. He spoke reverently of his mother, and told me how much he respected his dad. A mischievous smile crossed his lips when he talked about his brother, and he had a protective look when he talked about his sister. He was super excited to become a family man…something he would often tell me scared a lot girls he dated, to which I would jokingly tell him not to reveal that information on a first date…who wouldn’t be scared? ;) Truth is, I wasn’t…and found his propensity for family refreshing. The relationship he had with his family is certainly one to be respected.

Scottie has been an incredible example to me of courage, fortitude, and constancy. I will never forget our brief moments. I have been touched by his example, his Spirit, and those gorgeous eyes. He exemplifies the kind of person I want to become. Until we meet again, my dearest friend.

News Articles About Scottie
Brawley family remember fallen hero, Imperial Valley Press

Former Brawley Union High graduate and U.S. Army Captain dies in helicopter crash, Imperial Valley Press

NATO: Afghanistan helicopter kills 2 troopers, CBS News

U.S. helicopter Believed Shot Down in Afghanistan; 2 killed, CNN

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Heavens are Smiling Down on Me: When Birds Poop

Since having started my new position, I get to walk to the metro everyday! YAY...and yes, to and from. It is pretty cool; not only do I get some thinking time while I am walking my 3/4 of a mile to the metro, but I am gratefully and optimistically exposed to the elements. 

Today I heard two doves cooing. I smiled recollecting my days in SV getting ready for high school in the morning. Two doves loved to wake me up every morning at the crack of dawn. They lived above my bathroom and would coo so loud that it would drive me crazy. Seeing that I wasn't (and still struggle) with mornings, my teenage self would go out, grab a rock and throw it at them every morning. Inevitably, they would return. It became a routine for us. Ah...memories.

Today's element/Carma moment happened as I walked to my office from the metro. Normally when I am walking to the office, there are hardly any people on the is just too early for this city ;) So, I was walking to work when this man, stops and asks for directions. While I don't know where to point him, because I am still figuring out the city in my new location....this brief conversation prevented me from being massively pooped on by a FLY-BY bird! Seriously, right in front of me about 8-10 inches from hitting me right on the head.....

Let's just say the Heavens smiled on me that day....and I am grateful!

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

A New Position for a New Me

Some of you might not know, but I was given the opportunity to make a lateral move from Proposal Analyst to Program Analyst at DMI. During my last bitter-sweet proposal, I realize how much I loved managing the proposal...the operations part of the work. After some conversations, my company allowed me to make the switch so I can start learning all about program management. I just started, and am excited for what this means for the future of Lindsey Blau!

I am temporarily housed at our DMI office in downtown DC. I laugh because the commute to Bethesda, Maryland was a lot faster going from where I live in Virginia. However, being in the city is just plain awesome! I already love where I work! And yes, I am going to make a list, because you know I love lists.

Here is what I love so far:
  • The bathroom sinks. I know, that seems rather silly, but I appreciate sinks that have faucets that don't have water going everywhere and that are cool. The faucet in the ladies room is shaped like a U. I tried to find a pic online...but really, it is so unique, I couldn't!
  • I love being this close to so many great places to eat. I am near the Chinatown/Gallery place metro. I know I have this rule about only eating out once every two months, but I may need to see if I can stretch my budget to keep up with my ever-so-eager taste buds
  • Love my cube. It is light and cozy.
  • Surrounded by geniuses. It is amazing how much all these super genius people know. I already had to have help installing drivers for my computer, and these awesome workers knew how to do it! Even though they may have griped that they were not hired to be my help desk, I appreciate that they were so kind to install them on my computer....and under less than 2 minutes. GENIUS!

Friday, March 23, 2012

Date Auction

The single's congregation is up to it again...and hats off to them! The Langley Social Club, another non-confrontational name for the Langley Dating Committee, will be hosting a date auction tomorrow!

I am truly and legitimately excited, and love the idea of an anonymous date auction. Here is how it works:

The date (which is submitted by the one who want to go on the date), whether individual or group, will be awarded to one bidder of the opposite sex with the highest bid. For group dates, it is up to the potential dater and the winning bidder to then choose the other participants on the date.

Rules for Auctioners
  • The dater will be responsible to pay for the date and all participants unless stated otherwise or have already planned to split the costs with a friend. If the dater would like to change the original date idea, they can let the Langley Social Club know before the auction.
  • The dater is responsible for coordinating with the bidder the details of the date, including when, where, who's driving, etc.
The Langley Social Club also included these couple caveats:
  • Please contact the bidder in a timely manner and be considerate and cooperative
  • Have fun and have an open mind
  • Be willing to get to know someone even if you think you already know them
  • The Church does not reimburse anyone for dates
My Excitement
As you know from previous blog posts, I love attending and participating in new date ideas. For the date auction, I submitted 5 date ideas of things I have wanted to do around DC but didn't want to do by myself. I can't tell you my date ideas yet, because they are supposed to be anonymous....but I can tell you that they are AWESOME! 5 seemed like a good number.

My Beef
Once again, I was surprised by the response I received from the Langley Social Club. If you recall, a couple months ago, I signed up for an 8-person group date and was told the day prior that I was chosen to no longer participate because there weren't enough men (they were 1 short-lol). That was no biggy. I get it. But then I got this email after submitting my date auction ideas:

Hi Lindsey,

Thanks for all of your submissions. We would love to auction off all of your ideas, but in order to give the auction some variety, we will not be taking date idea #3. We have already had a few other people submit the date to go X, so if you would like to submit another date in place of this one, please let us know.

Thanks again for your participation in the auction!

Seriously!!! I wanted to respond and say this:

I think depriving me of date #3, just because it is a popular idea, is crap.....just like I was deprived of the group date one month ago.....

Too many unknown provisions to this dating auction.....

I am only half serious.

But I probably won't. Sigh, the other date ideas are great too.....I guess I will have to do date #3 on my own, sans the dating auction.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Steady as She Goes

Loving how this is moving me today. I have so much to update you about how I have been feeling lately, and how I have been reacting to it. In the meantime, I will just tease you with the following phrases that I tell myself over and over. And now that I read this list, I realize what great band names some of them could be.

  • Roll with the punches (or just "roll with it" if you think that is too violent)
  • Take it as it comes
  • What doesn't kill me makes me stronger
  • Not a prisoner in my cell of circumstance
  • Line upon line
  • Come what may, and love it
  • Ridding the wrong expectation
  • Worth it
  • Outside myself
  • Going with the flow
  • A little perseverance never killed anyone....yet ;)
  • Light at the end of the tunnel the inspiration for this post, enjoy this little ditty: Steady as She Goes. Thanks Raconteurs!

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Memory Loss

There was a period of time between 2005 and 2007 where I just don't remember anything that happened to me in my personal life. I would run into people and we would chat about how we met, and they could recall all the details of how, what, where, when, and what I was wearing....but I could only remember that I knew them....somehow. To what end, I couldn't tell you. This even happened with a guy I started dating back in the day. He told me exactly where we met. When I asked him if it was between the years of 2005 and 2007, he replied in the affirmative. I then proceeded to tell him my theory of memory loss, and apologized for not having remembered meeting him.

At the time, I was working at a PR agency where I had 20 clients. Having 20 clients was a little OUTRAGEOUS and unheard of because it is not like firms to usually have so few employees working on so many cases. I read an article back in the day explaining that we have been given this gift of short term and long term memory. Sometimes if so many things are happening that require the use of our short term memory, other things will not be remembered or will take a backseat in the memory world. I then decided that I would declare 2005 to 2007 the lost years where my short term memory was so full that it affected my long term memory bank and certain memories (alas probably some of the best) would have to take a backseat to those memories that enabled me to do my job.

Since then, I have tried to keep my multi-talented brain exercised and my spirit open and receptive to receive and retain memories. I have eaten fish, tried ginkgo biloba (however it is spelled), tried tricks like chewing gum during testing periods at school, written things down, taken pictures, tried mnemonic devices to help me remember names, tied ribbons on my finger, made bracelets, told people to remind me, prayed to remember...etc. It has been working really great since 2007.

HOWEVER....lately, I have been experience similar symptoms. While I would like to blame it on something or someone, I don't believe that someone's forgetfulness can rub off on me....or can it? Since I started working in September, I have forgotten my badge, phone, lunch (which has been left on the table at home several times), tennis shoes for my walking job, clothing for after I work as a lifeguard, personal items,commitments that are not written down, etc. But here is the biggun....last week I walked into my office and realized that I totally left my computer at home. My computer. Really?? I mean, I didn't even realize I forgot it until I got to my office. There was no memory clue that I forgot it at home....none, until I got to my desk and saw my naked dock. I work in Bethesda, MD. I live in McLean, VA. Needless to say what I thought was going to be a productive day starting at 8 a.m. didn't really even get started until about 9:30. Looks like I am going to have incorporate some of my old memory-gain/retain tactics.

I am open to suggestions....really!

Friday, January 20, 2012

Likes and Dislikes

  • I am liking the word bazillion and have used it a bazillion times today.
  • Saxophone Man: He has changed my life forever. I have this ultimate love mix that I put together a while back. It actually features George Michael's Careless Whisper (you have to admit that it is one of the sexiest songs out there). But after seeing the sexy saxophone man, I laugh every time I hear Careless Whisper.
  • Jamming to Sting in my cubicle, and blaring the music enough to drown out the world.
  • When I have conversations like this at work:
    I know my calculus . . . YOU + ME = US. My tummy is requesting a prompt start at 12PM. I can break at that time, let me know if you can!
    H-word yeah! My tummy and I cheated though….yup, totally just downed half a box of cheezits.
    : Well then . . . I will see your cheezits and eat one of my deviled eggs.
    : That is just wrong.
    If by “wrong” you mean “delicious” . . .then, heh, well . . . yes.
    : Seriously, when does ‘wrong’ EVER mean delicious? I mean, really….deviled egg and delicious should never be in the same sentence…..ever. Don’t worry, I won’t let this affect our friendship.


  • Waking up. It's true...if it is 30 minutes, or even if it is a full 7 hours...waking up and I don't get along.
  • Forgetting stuff: This week I forgot my work computer at home, and didn't even realize it until after I got to work, in Maryland, and had to turn all the way back again to go back to Virginia to get it. Recently, I have also forgotten my breakfast, a person's b-day, my key card to get into my apartment, and my phone. I also don't like when people who are trying to win an argument say "don't you remember when...." when I already admitted that I have forgotten stuff.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012


Here are some questions that have been going through my mind lately.

1. What is the legitimate fear preventing me from moving forward?
1.a. Am I afraid to discover how powerful I really am?
1.b. Am I afraid
of being hurt?

Questions and Answers

Q: What if I put in all this hard work and it doesn't pay off?

A: One lesson I have learned through this whole experience is that I need to trust that hard work will pay off. While I have been here in DC, things haven't exactly gone the way I thought they would. The question I should really ask is 'what is the definition of pay off.' I had a good friend who told me the following story:

There was once a rich man who owned a huge piece of hilly land. He hired a worker to try and move a huge boulder from the base of a hill to the top of the hill without any use of tools other than his own strength. In the end, the land owner promised a huge and significant reward to the worker. The man was obedient and wanted to do the land owner's bidding and tried his hardest, pushing and pushing and pushing this boulder. At the end of the day, he was exhausted. When he reported to the land owner that the boulder had not moved at all, the land owner said..."That's ok, just keep doing what I told you to do and try your best to move the boulder over the hill." Days, weeks, and months passed. Every day the worker would report his progress to the land owner. And even if the boulder hadn't moved, the land owner would tell him the same thing.

One day, and with an extremely heavy heart, the worker reported his progress to the land owner. Completely frustrated and emotional, the worker told the land owner that no matter what he tried, he just couldn't get this boulder to budge, not even a little bit. Crying, he fell to the land owners feet and said, "I don't understand why you have given me this daunting task. I haven't been able to get very far, if at all! And I am tired and exhausted, and really don't see how I am going to be able to accomplish what you need me to do."

The land owner lifted the worker to his feet, and grasped him in a big embrace. "When you came to me, you were this scrawny little thing that wanted so much to grow, and look at you now...look at your muscles, look at your tan, look at your strength. The fact that you were willing to try and push and push and push, and not give up shows me what a strong person you are inside and out. You did as I requested, you tried to move this boulder on your own from the bottom of the hill to the top....and that is all you needed to do to earn your reward."

Some of you might be thinking, What a tricky land owner...but that isn't the point. The point is that sometimes, as the worker, I think my reward is based upon one thing when really my reward is based on another. I have to recognize that my hard work is making me the kind of person I need to be. It sure has felt like I have been pushing and pushing a boulder that won't budge, but in the end I am stronger.

There is also always something to be said about enjoying the journey. It is hard not to let experiences from the past affect how I see the future. I need to cut out any outrageous expectations, or I will always be disappointed. I need to take situations as "it is what it is" until it's not :) I need to roll with it and not be attached to outcomes before my feet even get wet.

Q: What if I get hurt, again?

A: There was one point in my life where I remember asking God to take away my pain, even if it was just for a little bit because I didn't feel like I could handle it. Well, he did. And I tell you, not feeling anything is so much worse than feeling hurt. I have to remember that being numb isn't necessarily the answer. If I didn't feel, I wouldn't know when I needed to grow and extend beyond my limits. It is just like not being able to feel physical pain. If you can't feel, you don't know that you are damaging yourself worse than you should. Feeling numb is not the answer.

If anything I should look at 'feeling hurt' as a blessing in disguise. As I have mentioned in previous posts, I have a big heart. Part of having a big heart is knowing that when I hurt, I hurt big...but when I feel joy, I feel joy big. I think as long as I know and remember this, it will help me for when I am hurt again. My other hurtful experiences HAVE proved outcomes of 100x the joy. I really do have hope that one day I will feel joy 100 times over.

You would almost think I was talking about is the clincher, I have been talking about jobs....and this time it is going to be different. Fooled you!