Friday, November 16, 2012

Less than perfect

I have never been one to struggle with the need to be perfect. Things for me don't have to be is unrealistic. I do struggle with high expectations. I don't know why I have them, they exist inside me and control my very fiber. One thing about this that I detest is being disappointed. With this disappointment comes resentment, overreaction, and let's face it....DRAMA. One thing I know is that this is a story. A piece of made up fiction. No one tells me who I am except God and myself. And generally, God tells me amazing things about me. I have a tendency to tell myself lies. Today the lie is: I am not good enough for this job. I keep messing up. I screwed up the trust I have with my employer. This can't be remedied. I should just quit, or leave before I mess up again. 

Fact is...I am creating this deep dark energy myself. And even though I recognize it, it takes me a while to step out of it. One thing the closest people in my life know is that I am super hard on myself. Yes, I know. And I blame this on is a no win situation when I am in it. It takes a couple days for me to get out of it and recognize that I am here to make mistakes. It takes me a while to know that I am capable of great things and with great things sometimes comes great responsibility and sometimes great mistakes...this is what learning is all about. It take me a while to understand that making mistakes is part of being human, and as some of us know humans are not perfect. The only perfect person is Jesus Christ, and I am not Him. But I am trying to be like him. 

In the meantime, I will struggle to snap out of this funk. I will not quit my job. I will listen to the advice of my employer for what to do in the future, and not get defensive about my mistake. I need to own it. Making mistakes is not wrong, it is how I grow.

I am just trying to learn how to snap out of this feeling faster.

1 comment:

Rachel said...

Oh Linds, this hit home with me as I have ALWAYS struggled with this and it's really come out lately, especially in getting married and inheriting 3 kids who are most often crazy. What I have learned is that it is most important to have people at your side who reassure you and tell you they love you and appreciate all you do. For me, that has saved me. I sure love you and am so sad I can't be there on your special day. Hope you are having a great week!!!