I have never been one to struggle with the need to be perfect. Things for me don't have to be perfect....it is unrealistic. I do struggle with high expectations. I don't know why I have them, they exist inside me and control my very fiber. One thing about this that I detest is being disappointed. With this disappointment comes resentment, overreaction, and let's face it....DRAMA. One thing I know is that this is a story. A piece of made up fiction. No one tells me who I am except God and myself. And generally, God tells me amazing things about me. I have a tendency to tell myself lies. Today the lie is: I am not good enough for this job. I keep messing up. I screwed up the trust I have with my employer. This can't be remedied. I should just quit, or leave before I mess up again.
Fact is...I am creating this deep dark energy myself. And even though I recognize it, it takes me a while to step out of it. One thing the closest people in my life know is that I am super hard on myself. Yes, I know. And I blame this on myself.....it is a no win situation when I am in it. It takes a couple days for me to get out of it and recognize that I am here to make mistakes. It takes me a while to know that I am capable of great things and with great things sometimes comes great responsibility and sometimes great mistakes...this is what learning is all about. It take me a while to understand that making mistakes is part of being human, and as some of us know humans are not perfect. The only perfect person is Jesus Christ, and I am not Him. But I am trying to be like him.
In the meantime, I will struggle to snap out of this funk. I will not quit my job. I will listen to the advice of my employer for what to do in the future, and not get defensive about my mistake. I need to own it. Making mistakes is not wrong, it is how I grow.
I am just trying to learn how to snap out of this feeling faster.