Doing What I Love

I am working as a proposal analyst in the IT field, something I never thought to consider during this journey to change the world of education through policy and governance. Sometimes I feel like I failed myself, settling for something I just happen to be good at. But after being in this position for a while, I can’t help but see the benefits of having a great job, working with great people, learning new skills (you should ask me about Illustrator), writing and editing on a daily basis, feeling satisfied by a great product, directing and managing processes, and much more. It is humbling and exciting. BUT that doesn’t mean my dream should disappear. So, I am putting a call out to the universe one more time. Read my purpose statement. Link to my resume and see my qualifications.

I am ready education world….take me in and let me prove to you what I am capable of.

“Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.” – Steve Jobs

Staples

Thank you to Steven Beckstrand who inspired me to copy and plagiarize his thought on what it means to be a post-grad. Since I am here once again, I can't help but laugh at the fact that I thought it would be any different.

Taken from Steve:

***
I have to admit, my wanderings weren't totally my fault. The job that I had expected to be stapled to my diploma wasn't attached. I had thought that, as part of graduating from college, you got a job. It was like the decoder ring that you would get when finishing the box of cereal. However, this box didn't contain an awesome prize. I actually had to go look for a job. On my own.

***

My addition: And even when the prize comes, it may not be what you expect. Just like my prize that I got in my box of Resees Pieces Peanut Butter Puff Cereal. The flier thing did more crashing than it did flying. Funny how that works.

And then there was Arthur

Hi, my name is Lindsey and I am a worrier. From worrying about where in the world I am supposed to take my life, to worrying about not being late to an event, it happens. I admit it. I am also fully aware that worrying doesn't help anyone. I have been aware of that fact for quite some time....and yet I persist. Before I came to DC, I knew that I would be trying something completely out of the ordinary for myself - having no plan other than coming out here to get a job. I knew I would be testing my faith....and doing it on purpose. I believe my exact words to the Lord were "Bring it on." Lesson 1: When you challenge the Lord, He will say "Challenge accepted." ;) And so here I am 4 months later...and no job. I am sure you can imagine how I feel.

The first month was all about the excitement of striking out with only faith and my footsteps to guide me. I felt good about the decision to come, and I was excited to get started. So much, in fact, that I didn't do anything else during the day from 9-5 except look for a job. I read all about companies I wanted to work with and current education issues. I met with some really great people who got me on the right track. I also met with the church employment office to get my foot in the door there.

The second month was all about learning the rules of the education policy game - who was connected to whom, where was the best place to find a job, who should I be speaking with in order to network. Networking, networking, networking. I also started my education policy blog so I could keep up with the issues and not get stale as I was looking for a job.

The third month I started getting nervous. I wondered if I had made the wrong decision and questioned my motives. I looked at my finances and knew I wouldn't be able to make it much longer without having something. The third month was all about persistence and keeping up my full time job of looking for a full time job that I wasn't going to settle for. I was not interested in working for free. I had some terrible experiences working for free before and felt that I was too qualified to do it. So, I hung on to the hope that I could do this without working for free and that someone, somewhere would value my work and qualifications enough to help me get my foot in the door. The third month was also all about the emotional roller coaster. I would be sky high one minute and then break down the next. I hereby deem month three as the Lindsey bi-polar month. My poor friends and family who had to deal with it, I am so sorry!

The fourth month has been - without a doubt- about humility. During this journey, I have tried to stay humble, or at least teachable. I thought I was doing a pretty good job at it. I started recording my blessings, so whenever I would hit the roller coaster, I could look at my list and remember how lucky I really am. But sometimes, the list didn't work and I would just break down anyway. I haven't been mad, or upset. I have been tired, and anxious.

There was a point where I couldn't sleep. I even tried praying and fasting for specific jobs...and thinking that if I had faith enough, that something would work out. The fact is, it hasn't....BUT that doesn't mean that it won't. I firmly know that things will work out. I just have to keep enduring and pushing forward and allow things to happen in their own course and time. That has always been a challenge for me. I have been one of those people who doesn't slow down enough to let things happen within the time they are meant to. I am just SO excited for the next step that it is hard for me to deal with when I arrive first, but the opportunity is running late.

This fourth month is reminding me of that very point. The reality is that if I keep working at honing my skills and keep doing what I am doing, with a little breather time, it will happen.

I took an internship at the beginning of April. I am working with the National PTA where I realized that I don't know as much as I thought I did. It has been incredible to work with some brilliant ladies who are tutoring me in ways I don't think they realize. I am also doing some substitute teaching for little ones. It is my favorite gig. I am also looking at becoming a lifeguard and start my training in June. I am sure some of you are thinking, WHAT? Yup....I have always wanted to do it. I spoke with the rec center peeps who want enroll me in training classes so I can start teaching little kids how to swim. How AWESOME is that? So, things are moving along slowly, but surely.

I still can't think about what I am going to do with the apartment in Salt Lake City, where I could live here without a steady income, how much longer my aunt and uncle have to put up with me, etc., without getting worried. So, I try not to think about it.

In the meantime, I need to keep up with my list of life's blessings so I don't freak out so much. And here it is:

• Seeing random people dance at the metro, and not for money but just because they feel the urge.
• Going on field trips with friends to museums and free exhibits just to get my mind off the hunt.
• Meeting incredible people at education events and talking for hours about this issue and their passion and pursuits. It is nice to be surrounded by people who also love this work. It is infectious and makes me want to hold out all the more.
  
• My church calling. I am the Munch and Mingle co-chair and get to feed 60-80 people a week. It has certainly provided some incredibly hilarious moments with my other co-chair. We often describe our relationship to that of being married. Within the first week of our union, we fought over money and rice. Once we learned communication styles, it made it that much easier to work together and now sometimes we call each other just for fun.
• Meeting people who know where Sierra Vista is.
• Knowing that I have family who loves and cares about me.
• Having friends who are praying for me....and who love me even though I sometimes don't feel super stable.
• Living with my family. My aunt, uncle and cousins have provided so much for me. I couldn't have done this without them. They have also taught me to love spicy food, vegan cooking, flowers, animals, quiet time, the arts, environmentally friendly food and items, and going to bed early.
  
• Going on dates with great guys.
  
• Being able to teach and be with children who say things like: "Underwear is for tooshies, not for heads," or "What do I look like, an ABC machine?"
• And then there was Arthur who was playing incredible saxophone tunes on the steps of the American History museum. We chatted for a minute and he talked about his dreams and where he has been in his life.
  
  All these things make me grateful.

Feelings

When I feel, I feel deeply. It is a blessing and a curse.

Highlight of my day

I guess it is a good thing that I already have a highlight of my day and it is 1:34 p.m. That means that the day will just get better, right? I had an informational interview today with a policy representative at the Gates Foundation. She was incredible and gave some great job-seeking advice. She asked me to make a couple changes on my resume and send it to her with a list of my jobs that I have applied for, saying she would help in any way that she could. I drafted an email of at least 8 jobs I have applied for in the past couple weeks. I am completely grateful for her willingness to help me out.

I remember reading and re-reading my email I was going to send her, heaven forbid that it turns out like one I sent a couple weeks ago to a legislative director where I spelled his name wrong (MAJOR faux-pas). I was in the process of getting ready to send when I noticed that in the beginning I said, "Hell (name)," instead of "Hello". Good catch, Lindsey....good catch. The highlight was catching my mistake before it was too late!

Learning Doesn't Stop

For me, the learning doesn't stop. I am constantly learning about myself, and what I need to do better in my life. Perhaps some may think I take life a little too seriously, but looking at how I can be better I feel is necessary for my growth, and therefore necessary for my happiness. Tonight, I was struck by an article by Neal A. Maxwell called Patience. Here are some quotes that I particularly liked:

"Patience is not indifference. Actually, it is caring very much, but being willing, nevertheless, to submit both to the Lord and to what the scriptures call the “process of time.”

Patience is tied very closely to faith in our Heavenly Father. Actually, when we are unduly impatient, we are suggesting that we know what is best—better than does God. Or, at least, we are asserting that our timetable is better than his. Either way we are questioning the reality of God’s omniscience, as if, as some seem to believe, God were on some sort of postdoctoral fellowship.

There is also a dimension of patience which links it to a special reverence for life. Patience is a willingness, in a sense, to watch the unfolding purposes of God with a sense of wonder and awe—rather than pacing up and down within the cell of our circumstance.

When we are impatient, we are neither reverential nor reflective because we are too self-centered. Whereas faith and patience are companions, so are selfishness and impatience.

It is so easy to be confrontive without being informative; indignant without being intelligent; impulsive without being insightful! It is so easy to command others when we are not in control of ourselves.

In our approach to life, patience also helps us to realize that while we may be ready to move on, having had enough of a particular learning experience, our continuing presence is often a needed part of the learning environment of others. Patience is thus closely connected with two other central attributes of Christianity—love and humility.

Very importantly, it is patience, combined with love, which permits us “in process of time” to detoxify our disappointments.

God’s attributes of omniscience and omnipotence no doubt made the plan of salvation feasible. But it was his perfect love which made the plan inevitable. And it is his perfect patience which makes it sustainable!

Patience is, therefore, clearly not fatalistic, shoulder-shrugging resignation; it is accepting a divine rhythm to life; it is obedience prolonged. Patience stoutly resists pulling up the daisies to see how the roots are doing!

***

I should have just copied and pasted his whole talk. I am again reminded of the importance of this message. The closer I think I am to being a patient person, the more I realize I am not. From the looks of it, I need to change my attitude about what I think when I hear the word patience. For me the word 'patience' has been a bad word...the hope is that starting now, I will look at the word to be more opportunistic.

Mood: Tired, but hopeful

Job hunt: great.

Interviews: haven't had one.

Networking: I don't think I have networked this hard since I tried to find a husband in 2001.

Faith: whole, unwavering.

Testimony: stronger.

Dating: yes.

In love: hmmmm, always.

Knowing that the Lord fulfills promises: adamantly, yes.

Still doped up on allergy meds: you betchya.

Missing my family: is it possible to miss people more and more and more and more everyday? H-word, yes.

Happy: absolutely.

Nervous: me? lol....who wouldn't be in my position?

Excited: Every day.

Still worth it to be out here, jobless: yuppers.

Highs: yes

Lows: yes

Mood: Tired, but hopeful

Operation Application

One of my girlfriends here in DC is also looking for a job. We decided to test our motivation levels to see if we put out the same amount of applications a day together as maybe we would by ourselves. It would also give us time to commiserate between application/job hunting/cover letter making/resume building/hire me cause I am awesome sucking-up opportunities. We call it "Operation Application."

I had the thought that doing the job search together would be more productive if we had a contest. Little did she know that when she agreed that a contest could be 'fun' (and I am sure she was saying that purely to be nice) that I would take it to heart. I didn't create a bracket or anything, but I did come up with rules of the game and a nice little prize for whomever could pop out more applications by the end of the day.

Pretty much the only rule we ended up abiding by was the 'whoever puts out more applications and cover letters by the end of the day wins, and the loser has to buy the other person ice cream.'

Upon my job hunt today, I stumbled on this promising job that would give me experience:

a. Assisting and coordinated services that connect constituents with projects of a certain education group (HAZAA)
b. Writing communications info (GREAT)
c. Serving on teams and other organizational units (I LOVE PEOPLE)
d. Managing online material, special reports, surveys, correspondence (WOOHOO, WRITING RULES!)

It goes on, but you get it. I was sold on this agency and was super excited to write a cover letter and resume that reflects how awesome I am, and that the agency should hire me. Then I read the physical demands of the job, which included:

"Ability to sit at a desk for more than one hour at a time."
"Ability to bend and stoop in order to file and shelve."

I found myself laughing that those qualifications were necessary to include. I may have had tears!

Wow....it's a doggy dog world out there!

And they think me dumb...?

I went to a career workshop put on by some lovely ladies who head the employment committee at church. I have been corresponding with one of them throughout this adventure, asking her questions about my resume, how to strengthen it, etc. During the year, I also got feedback on my resume from professors, educators, government employees etc. I thought my resume was good to go, incorporating a couple extra tidbits on how to get an employer interested in having me in for an interview just by the looks of my resume.

According to some of my sources, HR reps in government have suggested that people put pictures on their resumes. It was suggested that I add mine to that pile even though I didn't think it was appropriate for my industry. At first, this suggestion was absolutely something I would not consider. My arguments were:

Negatives

1. I know that organizations cannot hire based on any kind of discrimination i.e. age, gender, race, etc.
2. I didn't want someone having me or not having me into an interview because of how I looked.
3. I am a woman, and including a picture could set me apart as someone who is seeking to 'look good' rather than think I will be hired based on my skills.
4. Most guys don't understand c, but the way a woman is perceived in any job is very different than the way a man is perceived. One might argue that because I have this bias, it will prevent me from getting those higher level jobs. However, it is not my attitude I am concerned with, it is the research behind the attitudes of others that concerns me. The way women and men interact, and how they are perceived in the workforce is something I have studied for a while, and is very real!

Positives

1. Having a picture will get my resume to stand out from the rest....because I am sure these people haven't included their pictures.
2. It allows the interviewer to personalize my resume, along with all my skills.
3. My dad and other executives said it was OK.
   

So, today when I showed my resume to a current HR rep in government, a lobbyist and another career counselor at this workshop, I felt like an idiot. They all stared at my resume, open mouthed like...really, she has been sending this out. All of them were astounded that I even thought this was PC. Apparently, HR persons frown upon pictures for reason 1 listed above. Their reaction is not what gets me. My fear is that I have been sending out a resume with my head shot a.k.a. "glamor pic" to organizations and companies I REALLY want to work for/with.

I should have listened to my gut. I now fear that putting my picture on my resume was a huge mistake. So, now that my resume is being floated all over DC (hopeful this is the case), what can I do? I can change my resume here on out, for sure. But, how do I replace those others? I feel so stupid.

All Quiet on the Eastern Front....But Not For Long

Things around here have been quiet lately. Every morning I wake up and the first thing I do is read the Washington Post. I have become quite a fan of it. I then proceed to write blog posts for my newly improved education policy forum blog www.kablaucommunications.com. Then I check my emails for any responses from the days previous regarding jobs, networking or other opportunities. So far, nothing has really happened on the job front yet....but then again, I have only been here for 2 weeks....and I have made a lot of great connections. Here are some of my thoughts:

• People here are so welcoming and willing to help. I can't tell you how many people have told me that they moved here without a job too, and how things have worked out so well for them. It gives me hope that I am in a place where jobs are more accessible and applicable to what I want to do.
  
  
• Every day I feel that if I am not giving 100% to the job search that I won't find one. I have been a little MIA lately and my aunt and uncle once commented that I didn't need to seclude myself to my bedroom all the time. The fact is, once I get going, I get going and can't stop until I finish.
  
  
• I think I have at least 7 drafts of my resume...that is a lot! But hey, it is worth it. Some include my new professional pic...thank you Jamie. I also posted all my professional information on my Linked In site, which I have had for almost 5 years, but have only recently been able to fill it completely.
  
  
• I love The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Every lesson has been focused around keeping the faith (specifically from the Book of Ether) and maintaining hope. I have had some pretty unique growing and spiritually-building experiences already, focusing on what I need to hear. In addition, I was able to attend the Washington D.C. temple with my stake last Saturday. It was amazing. I have never been in such a big chapel area. It was amazing to see a line of sisters as we waited and prepared to do a session. Elder Quentin L. Cook, a member of the Quorum of the Twelve apostles, is coming this weekend for stake conference. The temple gave us the perfect opportunity to think about and prepare ourselves for his arrival.
  
  
• My family here in McLean (from now on referred to as VAfam) has been amazing. They have made me feel so welcome and I already feel like I have been living here for a while. They have exposed me to some amazing things like food, the sites of McLean, the mall, but most importantly, they have exposed me to a quiet lifestyle. After dinner, quite often the family will go to the family room and sit together, not necessarily talking. My uncle will play the piano, my aunt will read or follow up with emails on her computer and my cousin will too. I started joining them...and am now reading The Count of Monte Cristo over again (unabridged)! I love reading for fun!
  
  
• Ah, the cat. This following section is dedicated to Sarah Huber. My VAfam has a cat. All of you who know me, know that I am deathly allergic to cats. Prior to my coming here, my father prayed that my health would be sustained. I would like to think this is God's little blessing for me....to be able to live with a cat with rarely any problems. I was touch and go for a while, but now I am doing much better. I have tried to avoid the cat completely, making it clear that he should avoid me too. Unfortunately, this little cat gave me this look of wanting that I have never experienced before. It reminds me of the cat on Shrek who looks with his BIG EYES and everyone falls for it. I am not saying that I am in love with cats or anything, but the idea of living with one isn't as repulsive....especially when it joins us for dinner at the table, literally, he has his own chair. In the meantime, my new friends have to forgive me for being doped up on allergy meds. I get really silly about 11:07 p.m.
  
  
• I just joined the local rec center. YAY for pools and swimming and weights and elliptical machines. YAY for not being lazy.
  
  
• My aunt and uncle are gone for a while, so my cousin Andrew and I are tearing it up here at the house. We got creative the other night and made Ethiopian food. Andrew may say that we 'attempted' to make it, but I feel that we were very successful....except making the Injera. That was just wrong.....
  
  
• I know, I know...all of you want to know about my dating life. Let me just put it this way. Yesterday, I pulled up the online magic 8 ball by asking if I was going to marry a certain someone this year (who doesn't know that we are supposed to get married...but he is my soul mate ;) I checked with 5 different online magic 8 balls, asking questions intermittently...you know in order to skew the stats. The funny thing was the answer to my very specific marital question was always, "Probably Not." Don't worry people...I am not letting a magic 8 ball persuade or undermine my dating/marital status. In fact, I am now determine to prove it wrong...hee hee. On the other hand, I also asked the online magic 8 ball if I would get a job this month and the answer was "Definitely Yes."

So, there you have it people...the adventure of Lindsey Blau just keeps going.

Adventures of Lindsey Blau - The Beginning

I dedicate the following post to Heidi Buchanan - couldn't have made it here without you!

Packing up my belongings, not knowing how long I was going to be living in DC, was not as difficult as I thought it was going to be. Flo, my kleptomaniac bureau, revealed that one black shirt I had been looking for since April...and I shoved it in my last packed box before I was ready to head out the door on my new adventure. Now all I need to make this day more exciting are a couple of boys knocking down my door begging me not to go and professing their undying love for me, I thought. Would it have stopped me though? Hmmm....depends on the boy ;)

Regardless, I am hoping to be in this for the long haul. I made the decision to move to DC a long, long time ago, but wasn't able to follow through because of timing. I had great jobs, loved my schooling opportunities, absolutely loved the friendships I have made, enjoyed being so close to my family, and wouldn't take back my time in Utah for anything. But the thought of moving away to seek more job opportunities was always somewhere in the back of my mind. So, one day, I decided that once I graduated with my masters, I would go. How, when and where were not determined until one month ago. Even then, it was talked about, but not planned. I really didn't start thinking about the next step of my life until I got back from San Diego on January 3rd. I had one week to get everything done and prepped for my trek out east.

My friend, Heidi Buchanan heard this crazy plan of mine and volunteered to come with me. I thought she was just saying it to be nice, but the next day she talked to her manager who informed her that the days she requested off were the only days she could have anyway...which indicated to her and to me, that it was a sign. With that sign, we made arrangements, I packed, laughed, cried, danced and anxiously awaited Sunday, January 9th, the day it would all start. And so it has....

January 9-13

Sunday: Went to church one last time, was surprisingly released from my calling (way to stay on top of it Bishopric), had a couple blank stares from people who thought I would a). already be gone, or b.) had no idea I was leaving, held it together saying goodbye to some friends and lost it as my 10 minutes of saying goodbye after sacrament were nearing a close, kissed and cried with my roomie once more, held hands one last time from my pre-moving crush/boyfriend, gave him several kisses in the parking lot and left with Heidi to go to my prepacked car...thank you Terrance. We jumped in and started our infamous drive across country...over the mountains and through the snow. We left at 4:00 p.m. and arrived in Denver at 12:30 a.m. One thing is certain...we do not suggest I-25 in the snow.

Monday-Wednesday: Waking up to a winter wonderland, I was able to hang with Allie (my niece) and my sister Jamie. It was nice to have one last snuggle from Allie before I had to leave. I ended up having to go back into the house because I kept forgetting things, and apparently Allie finally settled down from crying because I left, and didn't want me to go. That is SO sweet. I remember smiling. And so, here are my thoughts during the rest of our winter/snow-covered journey cross country.

• Peoria - has some pretty cool buildings. From the freeway we could see a couple of churches that had the same kind of Gothic style as the churches in Barcelona. I had no idea Peoria was so cool.
• Illinois has some wicked-awesome rest stops that are decked out with playgrounds, hiking trails, vendor machine rooms and classy bathrooms
• I love Nauvoo in the winter. Not only were Heidi and I the only people there, all the workers gave us their full attention and sometimes strayed off the script in order to make the visit more personal for the both of us. The only drawback was that sometimes in the winter, if it snows really hard, some of the sites are closed down. I may not have gotten to see the inside of the Mansion House, but being there I couldn't help but feel the spirit of Nauvoo. It was a pretty unforgettable experience. Seeing the temple was my favorite part.
• Nebraska is not as boring as I thought it would be. In fact, almost every exit had some kind of art or sculpted statue that could be seen from the freeway. There was one exit that had this arch-type building across the freeway. We don't know if it was a store or a restaurant, but it was pretty cool. I am certainly going to stop there on my next cross country trip!
• Thank you 24-hour BP gas station for being open! Most gas stations in podunkville close at 9 p.m. It is also scary not finding gas when you have 20 miles left of gas in your car and it is snowing outside. Blessed be the name of BP!
• Our GPS, who we named Fran, got lost a couple times. Sure enough she showed us that we were driving in a couple lakes. We also followed her when she told us to get on and off the freeway because she was a little confused.
  
• Boston and Journey are good pick-me-up bands when driving drowsy. It is not hard to go fast and to the beat...so it is maybe not the best snow-driving music
• By the way, your anti-freeze will freeze at sub-0 temperatures, just be prepared to wash windows with the squeegee at every gas station and be sure to kick ice off your car so you can turn your tires.
• I decided that I need a travel masseuse.
  
• You can never have too many apples.
• Always carry an Atlas just in case your Fran forgets that I-65 does turn into I-34, and you don't stray into a neighboring city where you can't ask for directions because everything is closed.
• There really is a silent beauty of the Midwest.
• Crashing at the houses of random people ROCKS!
• There is nothing that a pack of peanut M&M's can't solve.
• Most people in Illinois will speed up just enough to tail you for 1 mile and then pass you.
• When both parties in the car are screaming "Run, Katherine, Run....!" you know your book on tape was a genius idea.
• More often than not, it is quite acceptable to go 55 mph in a 70 mph zone when there is 2 inches of snow on the ground. From Omaha to Ft. Madison, we saw 16 semis that had slid off the road and about 10 cars. Needless to say, we slowed down.
• I smile when I put my ipod on shuffle and Cindy Lauper comes on.
• I get random spasms when other people drive my car through snow storms.
• Because my feet are often cold, I burn out my driving mate.
• It is amazing how far one can go on adrenaline and 4 bottles of water without needing to go to the bathroom.
• My favorite billboard advertised "Buses Welcome," at the interstate Subway restaurant. Well, of course they are.
• Sometimes driving on unpacked snow is better because of grip. My motto for driving in the snow "grip, not slip."
• I wish I knew where the largest ball of yarn was, I would have probably stopped to see it.
• I loved the cute older missionaries in Nauvoo feeling inspired to tell us that we are like bricks and diamonds. Being pressed, fired and shaped into something beautiful is what life is all about. I love my new Nauvoo brick!
• When the option to drive is not available, I will sing instead.

...and this is the beginning.