In trying to navigate my relationship with My Sweetheart, my heart is often left sore. It is hard when one moment of darkness in our relationship - because of My Sweetheart's depression - feels like a lifetime.
|Mothers and Daughters by Alina Chau|
I am frequently left alone to figure out my role, separate his reactions and mood from anything I may or may not have done, and try to stay positive for me and for Little Bundle. It is hard, and most moments I fail to find beauty or joy in the journey. I hate what depression does to him. I hate, also, how I react to his depression.
But then my mom comes to town. She is so gracious, amazing, and wonderful. I ended up getting really sick while she was here, and she took care of Little Bundle, My Sweetheart, me, and housework, allowing me time to rest so I could heal in more ways than one. She gave me strength just by being here.
I never feel a lack of being wanted or needed when I am with her. I always feel loved and cared for. Her service helps me through the dark moments of my marriage - and remember who I really am, where I come from, and the strong woman I have become.
In those dark moments, I tend to forget those things about myself. Yet, having someone I am close with, who knows the real me, and gets me, helps me overcome the dark moments and remember.
And so, I cry every time my mom leaves.