Thursday, September 27, 2012

How I Knew: The Definition of Knowing

I never liked the saying "you know when you know" or "you just know." can someone just know? Then I realized that the definition of "knowing" means different things to different people. For some "knowing" means having one culminating, revelatory moment of confirmation. For others "knowing" could mean feeling comfortable enough in a relationship and having certain nuances and attitudes that are revealed as pleasant, liveable, and something worth aspiring to obtain. In some instances "knowing" doesn't happen until a person is willing to let it happen. When fear and doubt get in the way, "knowing" is difficult. In other cases trying to "know" before it is our time to "know" can prevent us from "knowing," or at least attribute to not understanding how we "know" best.

For me it was "knowing" was a mixture of events, conversations, and allowing our souls to maintain its original connection with the desire to increase. Some of my favorite moments that played into "knowing": 

  • He itched my toe once....I will never forget it, toe?
  • I cry. I just do. I own it. Adam does not get uncomfortable with my tears. Whether brought on by joy, frustration, healing, happiness, anxiety....he let's me do it, and often wipes my tears from my face.
  • Sometimes I feel like I am stagnant and need to progress. When I get to this space, I seek challenges...ones that will make me grow. Most often I end up disliking the journey, but I am working on dealing with these challenges with more grace. Bottom line - I seek progression. So does he. This was made very clear to me on our first date. He is motivated, driven, and knows when to slow down. In this respect, he complements me. I run until I am burned out. He runs just as fast as he needs to.
  • When we go to a party, I don't have to babysit him. He is working the room. He is just as social (if not more) than I am....imagine that!
  • He is annoyingly concerned for my, and secretly, I love it.
  • When I am a brat, he still comes around....weird.
  • When I am hurt, he rushes to my! Seriously though. When my mom was in town, we were all cooking in the kitchen and I burned myself and almost broke out into "the swears". My mom is used to my overreacting when I am hurt or sick, and doesn't react to my reaction anymore :) However, Adam rushes to my side.
  • He makes everyone feel included, and I love it.
  • He makes me giggle when he is not even trying to.
One night we were talking - teasing each other. We stopped talking just to look at one another. The silence was comfortable. The feelings in our hearts grew. The next thing I knew, he started talking to me about my worth in the eyes of himself and Heavenly Father. I cried. This very tender exchange opened up a whole world for where I could see my life become part of his, and his life become part of mine. 

All of these things aided in "knowing," but perhaps even more significantly, this one specific instance is when I knew I was in love with him.


Heather said...

Lindsey, I am so happy for you! I love your first meet and first date stories! Can't wait to talk to you and hear more.

AJ Candrian said...

I LOVE your list! This is so sweet! I am SO excited for you!

Unstoppable Lindsey said...

Heather: Gosh...thanks! That first date was pretty remarkable. And we have had so many more. They just get better and better.
Andrea: Thank you so much. I am probably a little more excited though....!