Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Papers...a lot like life

I have just written a 20-page paper, but am having the darned'est time coming up with a conclusion. It really shouldn't be that hard, right? I mean shooting out 20 pages was no biggy...I even had to condense it down some. Sure, I am a nerd-o, but really...what is the deal?

It think that coming up with the last pages of this paper is a lot like life. You can read the paper over and over and each time come up with a different conclusion. What is the next step? How does it end? Can't it have multiple endings and not just one? What if the one I come up with turns out to be the best and not the better? What is the point in stepping into the unknown if I am just going to get an 'F' anyway?

Such is the way with decisions* - eh? Or am I just crazy?

PS: For those of you who think I am talking about 'dating,' sorry to disappoint, I am talking about making decisions in general. Stop reading into it...sheesh!

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Women Power

I just got this quote today. I am not sure who the author is...but I love it.

"Whatever you give a woman, she will make it greater. If you give her your sperm, she will give you a baby. If you give her a house, she will give you a home. If you give her groceries, she will give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she will give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of S@#$."

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Minty wheat thins

You would think that zip-lock bags would be the save-all of everything. Just like Windex helps not only to clean windows, but is also very effective on burns, cuts, scrapes...or whatever (well, at least according to "My Big Fat Greek Wedding"). My thoughts revert back to zip-lock baggies. Meant to keep things fresh, right....not to mention keep things out? Who knew that no matter what zip-lock says it does not keep out freezer burn/wear and tear. Oh, and I also had to discover the hard way, that it also does not keep water out. Yes, through a series of rather unfortunate events, my zip-lock bag that was holding my ever-so-precious keys and remote for my car, while floating down a river, was penetrated by that substance of which broke my remote, not allowing me into my oh-so-ever-thief-protected vehicle. Well, today, zip-lock did it again. My ever-so-unpenetrable zip-lock bag full of wheat thins shared a compartment in my backpack with my Extra ice-flavored gum....and you guessed it, minty wheat thins.

I now introduce you to my new business venture. The ad goes something like this.

"Imagine you are running late to a business meeting with the most important client in the world who could bring in millions for you and your company. You grab a bite to eat, running out the door...only to realize you forgot your mints. What are you going to do? You don't have time to go to the store to grab mints. You hope and pray someone in the office will have some, but to your great despair....they don't, and you find yourself shaking hands with this future client, your breath stankin with morning food left-overs. If only there was a way you could eat on the run and not have to worry about the after affects of food-smelling breath."

"Well, now is your lucky day!! Introducing a Hint of Mint. All our foods are pre-packaged and wrapped with mint-flavored gum to keep your foods nice and fresh with a minty flavor and scent that lasts far beyond breakfast. Grab a treat and experience the joy of eating your favorites with a little bit of minty-taste added to leave you with fresh smelling breath. Go to your business meetings in confidence. Try any of our Hint of Mint products today. You won't be dissapointed...and if you are, let's hope you don't lose that million dollar deal on account of your breath!"

Word to the wise: think twice before using a zip-lock that keeps the minty, watery, or freezery things out.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Every Monster Has Its Vice

First, I must, I am not on drugs...and for those of you who are, that last statement was in no way meant to be offensive. Thanks for understanding. Lately, I have been having night hallucinations. It is true. No, they are often not cutie cute boys calling at my door. Oh heavens, I would welcome those 'nightmares' any day. No, these hallucinations happen to be either a HUGE spider crawling from my ceiling oh so quietly and planting itself right by my head, OR a HUGE black floating evil presence, which is always conveniently found to the left of my bed. To put you in the moment, imagine waking up to a person just standing there staring at you...and you don't know who this person is....yeah, that feeling you get just thinking about it is the feeling I get almost every night. CRAZY, right...!? I know, I know.

So, what is the solution to this problem that gave me nightmares? Well, obviously, the best solution is a bed-mate. This position has yet to be filled. So, until that time, a realistic solution would be to tell everyone about it who loves and cares about me unconditionally, because telling a stranger would only make matters worse as I am sure I would be sent to some kind of an institution where I would be treated with shock therapy. I don't think I need to be shocked quite yet.

So, I told my parents about my weird experiences. We talked about the possibilities of why this would happen including foods that I have been eating, if I am getting enough exercise, if I am watching too much TV before bed, what time I am eating before falling asleep, if I am stressed...all this stuff. I deduced it down to sushi after 9:00 p.m. without exercising that day. Alas...I don't think that is it either because these hallucinations happen even when I don't eat sushi.
I just can't put my finger on it because I have the weirdest sleeping/eating/exercising schedule EVER.

So, I shared my experience with a licensed doctor, whose house we stayed at in Sierra Vista when I visited last weekend. Though an unbelievable jokester more than he is a licensed practitioner, he gave some profound advice. He said "Every monster has its vice. So just find out what your monster hates and use that to your advantage to get rid of it." Needless to say, whenever I turned the light on to get rid of these black spots and hideous spiders, they went away. My 10-year old brother gave me the best present in the world to help me with my monsters.

I am a 27 year old with a night-light.