I thought I hated mornings then: Chaos of mornings as a parent

I battle guilt of not being a good mom. I battle guilt for leaving my kids at daycare. I battle guilt for not feeling guilty about LOVING work and working 8-5. I battle guilt when I lose patience with my kids. I battle guilt when I think my choices have impacted someone else. 

I battle guilt.

While I have wonderful people in my life to remind me how I shouldn't feel this way, which I appreciate, I know that I need to fight this in my timing. It won't be an easy fix for me.

I am currently taking a parenting class so I can understand how to be a better parent. My hope is to learn about behavior and what behavior's are typical during every year of a child's life. My hope is to gain insights into a child's mind since I have felt old for a very, very long time. My hope is to be better as a result of my knowledge.

For the past 2 weeks, as homework, I was supposed to observe how my environment might have an impact on the behavior of my children. 

Perhaps I was given this VERY BAD 2 WEEKS so I could more clearly observe. ("What a gift," she says sarcastically.)

Our daycare provider graciously offered to open 30 minutes earlier to accommodate my schedule and needs. This means, we are up before the sun to start getting ready for our day. Over the course of time, I have learned what works for my kids in terms of our morning routine to get out the door and arrive on time.

Well, I thought I knew....until these past two weeks.

To be totally un-PC: My sweet 1 1/2 year old decided he was 2 this week. My 3 year old decided he was also 2 this week.

My Morning Story
As soon as I enter my 1 1/2 year old's room, he starts screaming "No", and then incessantly screams until I drop him off at daycare. I often greet him warmly, as I always have. But this week....it didn't matter what I did. He shoves himself in the corner of his pack 'n' play (I had to get rid of the crib because he kept flinging himself from it) and knocks his head on the wall and bangs his fists. He also kicks me when he has the chance.

Here are steps I take to try to navigate this behavior:

1. Give him space: Perhaps I am rushing him, or he wants to wake up on his own. So, I try this, and it makes him more frustrated.
2. Don't give him space: Perhaps he resents me from the day before when all I could do after daycare pickup was prepare his dinner and put him to bed. Maybe he has leftover anger and he wants alone time with me. So, I give him more love and coo and love on him. This also makes him more frustrated.
3. More sleep: Perhaps he isn't sleeping long enough. So, I put him to bed earlier. Still, the mood has not changed.
4. Less sleep: Maybe he doesn't need more sleep. So, I wait one night for 1/2 hour, then the next night for an hour before putting him to sleep. NOPE.
5. Sick or teething: Perhaps he is teething.....This is my go to for misbehavior in toddlers. But is every behavioral issue about teething or being sick?
6. Hunger: Nope. Let's just say his bed is a mess from that one time I tried giving him food to calm him down.
7. Thirst: I let him sleep with water now.
8. Temperature: I just had a fan installed that constantly runs because my boys sleep hot.
9. Jesus: Maybe if I pray to understand what he needs, some crazy wacky idea will come that is obviously from Heaven, because as a mere mortal I can't think of it myself. Still waiting to hear back from the big guy.

That about sums up every morning this week.

The 3 year old 

I know ownership is really important to this age group, so a while back, Dean and I would rehearse our morning routine right before he went to sleep as a way for him to set up his morning. Perhaps he forgets or something, because NOTHING goes the way he owned the night before. If anything, he often cries and shouts at me even after I give him something (within reason) that he is demanding of me. He also kicks.

We have had 'incidents' in the past where we have had to pull over to go to the bathroom, missed the bathroom, and everything revolving around not going to the bathroom before we leave our house. It has been dramatic for him, not to mention me. So, the number one  (ha, get it) thing I have tried to instill and something that he has taken ownership before in the past is TRYING to go to the bathroom. 

TANGENT: So, in my class I just learned that 3 year old's forget easily because that part of their brain is still developing. Answer me this: how is it that my 3 year old can't remember that he said he was going to go to the bathroom, but can remember the time I said I was going to make cookies like 2 weeks ago?

Anyway, he has been able to go to the bathroom EVERY time. But is insistent that if he tries and can't, that he is Scott free. This is where it gets hard. I know he has to, but he - for some reason - does not want to. With force and lots of loud words, he finally decides to go to the bathroom. I have yet to hear a stream that lasts less than 1 minute (that means he has a lot of pee in there).

Then the following battle ensues:

Me: Do you want to use the green or red soap? (Because when I give him choice over which soap to use, the argument ISN'T about whether he should wash his hands or not).
Dean: (He has caught onto this trick and says,) "I don't want to wash my hands!"

Then we argue about germs and illness and I can't seem to convince him, so more loud words come out of my mouth. 

By the time I get in the car, I am angry, my kids are angry - and you know what, IT SUCKS!

I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.

I already hated mornings, and now.....hate isn't a strong enough word.

BUT THEN (Because every bad story requires a moral of the story, right)

I posted my grief on Facebook so I wouldn't feel so bad about me, myself, my parenting, my value....because I was feeling defeated. I asked my friends with pets and/or children to tell me about how their mornings went.

And, luckily, my amazing Facebook community helped me realize I wasn't alone. And you know....it feels good not to feel alone, because that is something else I feel a lot of.

One response said, "CHAOS." A perfect response.

Deanna A. Thompson, author of Glimpsing Resurrection: Cancer, Trauma, and Ministry tells of a cancer story by J. Todd Billings, who said, "Even though [Billings] story constantly courts anomie [lack of usual social or ethical standards], Billings finds comfort in trusting that a nomos exists within God's story. Even when he cannot himself grasp it, he trusts it is there." 

My takeaway is even though my story right now is *CHAOS*, I can find comfort in knowing that God's story isn't. 

That is what has sustained me today. I am hoping it will sustain me tomorrow.

Mommy Tales: Being Nice to Myself

Church today was particularly difficult with Little Bundle. First, we are traveling and his sleeping habits have been off. We are sharing a room right now, and I think my snoring is keeping him up. He has been tossing and turning a lot more than usual.

After getting him ready, and getting ready myself, I packed my purse with all Little Bundle's needs, and started walking to church. I wasn't sure how long it would take us to get there, but it sure wasn't the 20 minutes I had planned. We arrived to our 9:00 a.m. church at 8:40. I walked in and the lights in the church were not even on yet. I didn't want to take Little Bundle in the chapel since we would be there for an hour. I walked around, went to the drinking fountain, but it got to a point where I just needed to set up shop in the chapel.

I always choose a pew with a wall. That way, there is only one escape route for Little Bundle. Guarding two by myself has always presented a challenge. How grateful I am, as a mom, to have a wall. It makes it seem like I am in more control somehow....even if I'm not.

On any given Sunday, I have a stash of bread and goldfish. The bread is for when the sacrament comes around so there is no fighting with the tray. The goldfish is for any other time I feel he needs a distraction. Today, Little Bundle spotted the bread right away. Before the opening services even started, he was halfway done with the bread. I was silently praying that he would be able to make it through sacrament meeting without too much fuss.

Minute 10 came and we were still on opening exercises. I knew I needed to be prepared to leave, something I haven't needed to do in the past. It has only been lately, as Little Bundle has become more mobile, that I have struggled. Helping distract him as much as I could, he had eaten his goldfish, proceeded to spit them out and create a mess with them on the seat. After cleaning up after him, he had enough and started to wail during the sacrament. I picked him up and started to go out, having not partaken of the water. I noticed that the water had been passed in the foyer, so I stood at the door as Little Bundle whimpered. 

I wasn't embarrassed, but felt bad for those who really came prepared to ponder and listen. I also didn't know how appropriate it was for me to stand at the door since the doors are often a space for the priesthood to protect during this sacred time. 

Side Note: I am trying to overcome this, but I often feel that when people glance my direction when Little Bundle starts to get fussy, they are really saying, Don't you know it is rude to keep a unruly child here....I am trying to feel the Spirit and you and your child are distracting me.

Maybe all mom's feel like this, but I really don't think Little Bundle is SO unruly that I have to take him out. I am at church to learn too, and will take him out, or stand up by the door if I need to.....I digress.

I received the water, gratefully, and made my way back to the pew. Afterward, Little Bundle was great for 10 more minutes. As he started to fuss again, I held him, reading silently to him. Then, I felt wetness. He peed through his clothes.

At this point, I knew it was time to leave. I didn't have an extra change of clothes (the first time I didn't bring any since he was born). I realized the irony, made my way to bathroom, changed his diaper as he cooed in the echoing-tiled restroom, and made my way to my stroller. He was naked, all except the diaper. 

As I left, I felt like I had to justify my son's nakedness in the church. I explained this to one mother in the foyer, and concluded I am not winning at mothering today.   

On our walk back to my brother's apartment, I thought about my last comment. How easy was it to blame myself and lack of mothering skills or parenting abilities? It was too easy. At the time, I didn't feel defeated in any way. I wasn't mad, or annoyed at Little Bundle. My leaving had nothing to do with me being a bad mom, it had to do with not bringing a naked baby back into sacrament meeting. 

I had the opportunity to partake of the sacrament, and renew my covenants. I went to church, even though I was on vacation. I went with a baby who was sleepy from the beginning. I whispered to Little Bundle about the reason we were there (a new tradition I started with him 3 weeks ago). I enjoy being obedient - it brings me peace. 

I showed up. 

I hope that not too many of you, my readers, get down if things don't go as smoothly as you anticipate. I often see phrases like "mommy fail" or "#notwinningatmom" or the ever sarcastic "#winningatmotherhood" floating on social media. 

Even if you are not being serious when you post those types of phrases, take caution that you don't start believing what you are saying. 

Showing up is all it takes to defeat those negative thoughts. It is high time we start being nicer to ourselves......starting, now.

Taking Time to Ponder: Being OK With Where I Am

Remember my last post - where I talked about spending time with Little Bundle? Over the course of the last several months, Little Bundle learned to crawl, eats solids (wahoo), and is very curious. I love seeing this development and growth in him. It keeps us both busy...and I like it that way.

One thing I am still learning though, is being able to accomplish the goals I have made...and have broken, and made again, but still be able to be with Little Bundle. I am not sure what this looks like yet, and don't have any advice for what to do to have a balanced life.

But I can say that today, while listening to Marfa Lights 1 by Deuter, I looked out my window and just looked. I breathed in deep breaths. I raised my standing desk and stood. I stretched and lengthened. I pondered. Really pondered.

I have been thinking about what's next for me lately. Often when I start thinking too far ahead, I don't see the Lord working miracles in my life because I end up getting nervous and anxious. I start doing things out of context and stepping on a lot of toes in the process. 

Two days ago I listened to this great BYU devotional talk about women, perseverance, education, direction, persistence, and devotion to God. The message was beautiful and clear. At a different point in my life, I could have been empowered by it. But this time, I needed to disregard it in order to keep my mind sound and open. I finally feel like I am in a good place. I am not saying that I am too content (because being content is sometimes not a good thing). I am saying that I am in a good place emotionally, spiritually...ok, maybe not physically (but I have accepted this). 

When I start questioning where I am, or the next step, I start going faster than I have strength, and end up crashing hard. Crashing hard hurts. It has taken almost my whole life to finally figure out that I will get to where I need to at the time and pace that I need to - and that God is more than happy with that. For those of us who already burden ourselves with "I am not good enough" or "I am never happy until...." I have found that it is better to allow the Lord's plans to unfold, instead of trying to unfold them too early.

That is why I am happy with where I am. I want to take this time to ponder, but not have anxiety. I want to be ok with the fact that I am still growing, and I know that it won't be as painful because I am taking a step back. 

• I have plans to pursue my PhD, but not right now.
• I spot clean until I have time to deep clean, because I would rather spend time with Little Bundle.
• I choose to eat as healthy as I can, go on walks, and live an active lifestyle....with Little Bundle in mind....but am not overly concerned about my baby weight and trying to lose it.
• I choose to stay in my marriage in spite of all those around me that see so many things that could be improved, or that they deem as "wrong".
• I am happy with my current work position and find joy with my team and who I serve. Sure I am interested in progress and upward movement, but not right now.
• Sure I wish I had enough energy at the end of the day to blog, read, plan meals, etc. And eventually I will start to bring these things back into my life, but not as full force as I have in the past. And I am OK with that.
• I will take the time to have 10 minutes of ponder time a day. Perhaps in the morning at work, just like today - where I can remind myself that my life is wonderful.

It is remarkable how many times I have to tell myself that I am OK with where I am in life. Admittedly, this time around has been less painful and enjoyable....and it has taken a long time for me to get to this point.

Go me.

AND Go YOU, all my amazing anxiously engaged friends,...if you have been able to get to this point too.

Mommy tales: Mondays are the hardest

Most weekends, I pack up Little Bundle and we go shopping, or go on a mini-vacation, or just get out of the house. My attention goes to making sure he is safe, and that we get things accomplished.

This weekend, we had a service day where we helped our neighbors cut down large trees, helped with yard work, and really felt like we were part of the community. Little Bundle and I spent all day interacting together, having actual nap times - that get thrown off when we travel - and just really had a good time. While he can't verbalize his good time, he was SO happy, and slept when he needed to sleep.

Sunday, we were both very sick. My Sweetheart came down with a cold last week. Even though we tried to avoid it, it came at us full force. Little Bundle and I were out of commission all day. The beauty of having a baby that sleeps the entire naptime is that mom can sleep too.

And just like that, we were cooped up inside our home all Sunday. 

In spite of our colds, Little Bundle showed me all his new tricks. The advantage of being the nanny is that you mostly get to see all the tricks before the parents do. He scoots backwards, starting clicking his tongue, looks up at you when you are holding him forward with those beautiful brown eyes, and "squinches" up his nose when you do something he thinks is funny. He also imitates your laugh and fake laughs, which I get a kick out of. He is growing so fast it is hard to keep up with all the new things he learns. By the time I write it down, he is onto something new.

But yet, when I sneak in on him sleeping, he seems so small - even though he is getting so big.

For a working mom, I only see Little Bundle 4 hours of any given day (if I keep him up to play instead of going to bed). This is tough. 

This is why it is easy for me to say 'no' to events I am invited where Little Bundle can't come with me. This is why it is easy for me to cook Mac N Cheese instead of something that requires more time. That is why I would rather be with him than with anyone, no offense. 

That is why Monday's are hardest - because my 12 hours of awake time with Little Bundle dwindle down to 4.

Mommy Tales: Can We Just Wake Him?

How does one start after one year hiatus from the blog world?

I sit in my quiet, barely lit room. There is nothing quite like a soft yellow light in a corner on a dark night. It is comforting, somehow. The heater is blowing through the vent, rustling the feathers of my red and black masquerade ball mask. I hear my neighbor kids getting goofy in the snow, their yells reminding me of Spring....which we are far from. 

My bed is made - quite the accomplishment for me since I also took a one year hiatus from that. I love having a made bed....it dresses up my room for when I return, like it is saying, "Welcome home, Lindsey. You did a great job today. You deserve to be dressed up for." I sit, waiting.

My Sweetheart and I have a couple sayings that find their way into our conversation at least 3 times per day. One of them is "Where is Snugs?" Snugs is the nickname for Little Bundle. At first it was Mr. Snuggles, then Snuggles, then Snuggie; now it is just Snugs. 

Yes, where is he?

When Snugs was first born, I had an identity crisis. I wasn't used to not working, and staying home taking care of a baby. I couldn't separate who I was from my job. I found myself asking, "Who am I without my job? What do I even like? Do I really like jazz music? Do I really like traveling?" My identity went missing and I was at a loss for at least 3 days. 

Snugs slept all the time, so it wasn't like he demanded attention....I just wasn't going to work - that was all. I wasn't trying to adjust to being a mom, I was trying to adjust to not going to work. Weird.

Now I am back at work, and Snugs goes to a nanny. As he gets older and older, I get more and more anxious to be with him. BUT I love where I am. I love where we are as a family. I love life. I am happy.

When I am with Snugs, I am truly WITH him...and that means more to me than anything else. It also means that I miss him even when he is in the next room.

"I'm sorry Snugs, you can't sleep because Mommy wants to play with you."

Evening engagements are hard for me to attend, and I relish lunch hour where I get to see him, if only for 35 minutes. He is the best part of my day. We have a bed time routine where I sing him a couple songs and then put him down. Keep in mind, it isn't because he needs this - he is so good that when I put him down, he goes down - the routine is for mommy, so I can spend just a little more time with him. 

Lately, I have been putting him down to sleep later and later than his usual bedtime. When I do put him down, I ask My Sweetheart, "Can we just wake him?" 

Life is good.

Mommy Tales: The first couple bowel movements after a C-Section

To preface this post, I first must give a couple caveats, assumptions, and identify some

risks associated with what I am about to say.

1. I understand there are women who aren't able to have children, for whatever reason. In that regard, this post may offend you...because the experiences I will outline are things I am going through presently...and my blog is my outlet. I know you probably wish more than anything to bust my head in because I am venting about childbirth.

2.  I enjoy all that motherhood has brought so far, even though I am not even 3 weeks into the process. I love being a mom, I love my Little Bundle. He is the light of my life and I love him more than anything in this world. The post will make it seem like I don't love it or him....this thought is pure nonsense. 

3. I am grateful. On top of everything, I am grateful for what have. I have amazing friends and family that have been thoroughly supportive of this next step for My Sweetheart and I. This post is no intended to offend those who have given so much of their emotional and physical energy to help us find and navigate our way through parenthood.

What I Didn't Know About C-Sections

I had always heard that recovery from a C-Section was hard, but no one really got into the details of what that meant...and probably for a really good reason....because it sucks. I am 3 weeks into my recovery, and feel like my recovery has been a roller coaster of pain and emotion unlike anything I have experienced.

I was given some prescription medicine that is supposed to help manage pain. Alas...I feel my stitches every day...internally and externally. It feels like bee stings on the inside, and feels like rash itches on the outside.

But this blog post is specifically about bowel movements. Gross, I know, but I would have really liked to know what to be aware of with a C-Section. I know I wouldn't have been able to change the outcome of my delivery in any way, but I would have liked to know some things so I could prepare for what was to come.

1. Stool softeners are the best thing since sliced bread. Without these, my first BM would not have been possible. 

2. As much as I tried not to strain, it happened anyway, and it killed. It was like I was bearing a child again. To alleviate some pain, I recommend using a gas relief medicine. My particular favorite is Gas-X. In the hospital, they gave me Maalox...which was also a huge help. Without this gas medicine, my BMs would have been hurt so much more.

3. My parents also suggested Prune juice to help soften stools. With all the other medicine I am on, it is no wonder that BMs are still so painful.

It was a huge accomplishment for me the day that it didn't feel like my stitches were coming out. I remember feeling like it was never going to get better. My husband said something like, "But isn't he worth it," pointing to our new amazing son. I felt like a terrible person/mom because I couldn't respond in the affirmative at that moment. At the time, I thought I was doomed to feel the pain from my BMs forever. 

I am here to tell you, the pain subsides...slowly, but surely....and YES, Little Bundle is worth it.

Mommy Tales: My short labor story

Hello Blog World!

Do I have news for you...I am a mom! It is the most wonderful, amazing, exhausting, teaching, learning, growing, joyful time ever. Little Bundle arrived in July after a great pregnancy.

My Labor Story (the short version)

Before I went into the hospital to be induced (4 days after my due date), I was told about all the risks associated with being induced. Like any parent-to-be (I assume) it seemed like I had to go through with whatever we decided based on books, doctor's advice, and all the advice from friends, family, and strangers, but really had no idea what was happening. 

We went into it completely aware that we were at the disposal of those professionals who were trained to help women with the birthing process, and I trusted them without a doubt...and still do. After being induced, I fell asleep and labor started overnight. I experienced hard labor for about 1 hour before I was given an epidural....praise be to God for this medicine. 

I then experienced contractions until I was fit to start helping the baby move down and help him be positioned for the hard stuff. The nurses had me push to try to get the baby's head to move past my pelvis. They went to get my doctor to make sure we weren't putting too much stress on the baby. The doctor came in had me push laying on my back my side, and then all fours. Immediately, the babies heart rate started going down. An Emergency C - Section was underway. 

From the time the monitor blipped to the time Little Bundle was safely delivered, it was 7 minutes.

I am grateful for fully trained doctor's and nurses that helped through this process. Some have asked if I was scared. I wasn't at peace, but I wasn't scared. It all seems like it was pragmatic and logical. Emotions at the time evaded me....I just did what the doctor said.

It was 4 hours before I came out of the anesthesia...and I met my Little Bundle for the first time. He was beautiful. He had a full head of dark black hair, gorgeous wide eyes, and a hairy back. I could go on and on about his features. 

At first, I kind of felt jipped that I didn't get to watch as I delivered him, but looking back and in speaking with my doctor....we both could have easily been gone if the process didn't go exactly the way it did.

I am a mom....something I never thought would happen for me in this life...and I am grateful. 

Provoking Articles, Part 2: Are We Creating Risk Adversed Children, Pampering Them Too Much, Taking Away Their Creativity?

The Overprotected Kid, by Hannah Rosin

Interesting Quote(s)

"Actions that would have been considered paranoid in the ’70s—walking third-graders to school, forbidding your kid to play ball in the street, going down the slide with your child in your lap—are now routine. In fact, they are the markers of good, responsible parenting."

"When you ask parents why they are more protective than their parents were, they might answer that the world is more dangerous than it was when they were growing up. But this isn’t true, or at least not in the way that we think. For example, parents now routinely tell their children never to talk to strangers, even though all available evidence suggests that children have about the same (very slim) chance of being abducted by a stranger as they did a generation ago. Maybe the real question is, how did these fears come to have such a hold over us? And what have our children lost—and gained—as we’ve succumbed to them? "

"In recent years, Joe Frost, Sweeney’s old partner in the safety crusade, has become concerned that maybe we have gone too far [in creating safety policies for playgrounds, etc]. In a 2006 paper, he gives the example of two parents who sued when their child fell over a stump in a small redwood forest that was part of a playground. They had a basis for the lawsuit. After all, the latest safety handbook advises designers to “look out for tripping hazards, like exposed concrete footings, tree stumps, and rocks.” But adults have come to the mistaken view “that children must somehow be sheltered from all risks of injury,” Frost writes. “In the real world, life is filled with risks—financial, physical, emotional, social—and reasonable risks are essential for children’s healthy development.”"

"At the core of the safety obsession is a view of children that is..., “an idea that children are too fragile or unintelligent to assess the risk of any given situation,” argues Tim Gill, the author of No Fear, a critique of our risk-averse society. “Now our working assumption is that children cannot be trusted to find their way around tricky physical or social and emotional situations.”"

My Opinion

I recall hanging out with my bestie and her children. I have always admired her parenting style, and hope I can live up to it one day. She is very relaxed in her parenting style, in that she lets her kids be kids. For example, if her kids are playing outside and one stands on a wall, she will warn that they could fall, but ultimately leaves it up to them whether or not they want to pursue this behavior. Of course if the fall was extremely dangerous, she would - of course - rescue them. The point is, she will warn them and then let them experience what it could be like to 'conquer the wall' or 'fall off.' Sure, the repercussions of falling means tears, potential scrapes, etc., but she doesn't rush over and stop her kids from being adventurous.


As I write this, I can't help but do a quick check on the "political correctness" of my statements. I am not saying that parents shouldn't rescue kids who are doing super dangerous things. All I am saying is by nature we want to protect our children from harm...any harm. Allowing them to fall gives them the experience they need to learn from their mistakes, pick themselves up, enhance creativity, overcome fear, defend themselves, and learn how to be independent.

Another favorite quote from the article: "Children are born with the instinct to take risks in play, because historically, learning to negotiate risk has been crucial to survival; in another era, they would have had to learn to run from some danger, defend themselves from others, be independent. Even today, growing up is a process of managing fears and learning to arrive at sound decisions. By engaging in risky play, children are effectively subjecting themselves to a form of exposure therapy, in which they force themselves to do the thing they’re afraid of in order to overcome their fear. But if they never go through that process, the fear can turn into a phobia."

School Ditches Rules on Bullies, by TV NZ One News

Interesting Quote(s)

"Chaos may reign at Swanson Primary School with children climbing trees, riding skateboards and playing bullrush during playtime, but surprisingly the students don't cause bedlam, the principal says."

"The school is actually seeing a drop in bullying, serious injuries and vandalism, while concentration levels in class are increasing."

"Principal Bruce McLachlan rid the school of playtime rules as part of a successful university experiment."

"We want kids to be safe and to look after them, but we end up wrapping them in cotton wool when in fact they should be able to fall over."

"Mudslides, skateboarding, bullrush and tree climbing kept the children so occupied the school no longer needed a timeout area or as many teachers on patrol."

"Instead of a playground, children used their imagination to play in a "loose parts pit" which contained junk such as wood, tyres and an old fire hose."

"The kids were motivated, busy and engaged. In my experience, the time children get into trouble is when they are not busy, motivated and engaged. It's during that time they bully other kids, graffiti or wreck things around the school."

"The great paradox of cotton-woolling children is it's more dangerous in the long-run."

"Society's obsession with protecting children ignores the benefits of risk-taking."
"Children develop the frontal lobe of their brain when taking risks, meaning they work out consequences. "You can't teach them that. They have to learn risk on their own terms. It doesn't develop by watching TV, they have to get out there." "

My Opinion
 
In my last article post, I discussed letting kids be kids and the risks we take (as parents, teachers, guardians, etc.) when we pamper our kids. By not letting our kids engage in "kid" activities, we are taking away their ability to learn how to work out problems - even social issues.

This experiment demonstrates the psychological benefits of letting kids be kids. Right now, traditional education means sitting for hours inside a classroom with little physical activity. While this may be stimulating for some children, it is not for others. It is not a secret that education experts have been tackling the issue of attention in the classroom. When my parents moved and enrolled my little brother in a new elementary school, I was shocked to hear that they only had 30 minutes of recess and ZERO physical education classes.

It is no wonder I read an article everyday about how students aren't meeting testing scores, and that ADHD is a common diagnoses for hyperactive children expected to sit for hours in non-physically stimulating classrooms. I digress.

I was happy to read in this article that by exposing students to unorthodox playtime, there was evidence of advancement in both physical and mental aspects. This letting kids be kids thing can go a long way, don't you agree?

I'm Done Making My Kid's Childhood Magical, by Bummi Laditan in the Huffington Post 

Interesting Quote(s)

"Today, parents are being fed the idea that it benefits children to constantly be hand in hand, face to face, "What do you need my precious darling? How can I make your childhood amazing?""

"Parents do not make childhood magical. Abuse and gross neglect can mar it, of course, but for the average child, the magic is something inherent to the age. Seeing the world through innocent eyes is magical. Experiencing winter and playing in the snow as a 5-year-old is magical. Getting lost in your toys on the floor of your family room is magical. Collecting rocks and keeping them in your pockets is magical. Walking with a branch is magical."

"It is not our responsibility to manufacture contrived memories on a daily basis."

"None of this negates the importance of time spent as a family, but there is a huge difference between focusing on being together and focusing on the construction of an "activity." One feels forced and is based on a pre-determined goal, while the other is more natural and relaxed. The immense pressure that parents put on themselves to create ethereal experiences is tangible." 

"When we make life a grand production, our children become audience members and their appetite for entertainment grows. Are we creating a generation of people who cannot find the beauty in the mundane?"

"Do we want to teach our children that the magic of life is something that comes beautifully gift-wrapped -- or that magic is something you discover on your own?
Planning elaborate events, daily crafts, and expensive vacations isn't harmful for children. But if the desire to do so comes from a place of pressure or even a belief that the aforementioned are a necessary part of one's youth, it's time to reevaluate."

My Opinion

In DC I had the awesome opportunity to know several peer nanny's. I asked some of them the question: do the kids expect you to entertain them all day? I have also asked several of my mom friends if their children demand their attention, or if they are keen on playing by themselves? I had various responses to this question, but the majority told me that the children expected their undivided attention. 

In Virginia, we had three little girls who lived in our building. They would often stop by to say hello, and ask if we could come play. We loved their parents and told them that one day we would love to have them over to play. So, we set a play date. The goal was to paint nails, do hair and make-up and watch a movie of their choice equaling up to 2 hours of fun. 

Not even 10 minutes through, all the girls' nails were done, they didn't want to do make-up, and the movie was in. No lie, within 20 minutes, they said, "what are we going to do now?" You mean the activity I planned that was supposed to take 2 hours isn't adequate enough? I had run out of ideas. 40 minutes into our play date, they all went home. They were starved for more entertainment - I just couldn't deliver.

In my babysitting experience, I am used to watching several children at once. I find the most satisfaction watching children who use their imaginations to create festive tea parties, create entire populaces full of princesses, build a city that could be destroyed and re-built for hours and hours, and enjoy the children who didn't demand my entire attention - especially when there is more than one child. When there is more than one child demanding my attention, which I truly want to give because I love all the kids I watch, it is tough. 

I agree that families should have fun, productive time together. However, becoming a constant entertainer is overwhelming. What do you do to let your child discover their independence in play?