Receiving Revelation is Active: Anxiety is Not Happiness

This past month, I have been studying personal revelation, particularly "receiving revelation.

First, I must explain that revelation is something that anyone can receive through the Holy Ghost. In the talk, How to Obtain Revelation and Inspiration for Your Personal Life, Elder Richard G. Scott said "The Holy Ghost communicates important information that we need to guide us in our mortal journey. When it is crisp and clear and essential, it warrants the title of revelation. When it is a series of promptings we often have to guide us step by step to a worthy objective, for the purpose of this message, it is inspiration."

Understanding the definition of revelation is not something I typically struggle with to understand. However, I do struggle with the 'receiving' part. I often times pray for answers to prayers - whether trying to figure out the next life event, or praying for the health of persons I care deeply about. I try hard to listen because I know the Holy Ghost is soft-spoken. And when I can't hear the Lord, even after waiting for a while and trying to exercise patience, I get deeply frustrated. That is when I have to remember the promise: God hears and answers the prayers of His children.

In the talk, The Spirit of Revelation, Elder Bednar said, "As you appropriately seek for and apply unto the spirit of revelation, I promise you will “walk in the light of the Lord” (Isaiah 2:5; 2 Nephi 12:5). Sometimes the spirit of revelation will operate immediately and intensely, other times subtly and gradually, and often so delicately you may not even consciously recognize it. But regardless of the pattern whereby this blessing is received, the light it provides will illuminate and enlarge your soul, enlighten your understanding (see Alma 5:7; 32:28), and direct and protect you and your family." 

Sometimes I am confused about what it means to have faith to receive answers/revelation. I feel like I need to do the best I can in order to be open to the Spirit and the revelation from God. I often get stuck with 'how much is too much.' 

For example, my sweetheart and I have been praying about our next life steps. We know that staying in the Virginia area is most likely not in our immediate future. As we contemplate a big move, there are several questions we need to answer: where do we want to go, where does the Lord need us the most, would we be able to secure jobs so that we can take care of ourselves financially, what moving company would give us the best rate, do we sell everything we have and just go for it...the list goes on and on. Thinking about these things is overwhelming at times, and trying to plan something that we are not super sure about freaks me out and I get major anxiety about not knowing what is beyond "the now." I also realize that asking questions and not doing research about any of them, does not help us receive revelation - receiving revelation is not LAZY.

Just with almost everything faith-related, ACTION is required in order to receive revelation. In the talk Ask, Seek, Knock, Elder Russel M. Nelson said, "To access information from heaven, one must first have a firm faith and a deep desire. One needs to “ask with a sincere heart [and] real intent, having faith in Jesus Christ to follow the divine direction given.

The next requirement is to study the matter diligently. This concept was taught to leaders of this restored Church when they were first learning how to gain personal revelation. The Lord instructed them, “I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right."

For each of you to receive revelation unique to your own needs and responsibilities, certain guidelines prevail. The Lord asks you to develop “faith, hope, charity and love, with an eye single to the glory of God.” Then with your firm “faith, virtue, knowledge, temperance, patience, brotherly kindness, godliness, charity, humility, [and] diligence,” you may ask, and you will receive; you may knock, and it will be opened unto you."

At the end of the day, I have to remember that God intends that I am happy - that if I do my best, and have an active faith  in Him, that things will work, and not necessarily in any way that I could have imagined.

Elder Scott continued, "Our Heavenly Father did not put us on earth to fail but to succeed gloriously. It may seem paradoxical, but that is why recognizing answers to prayer can sometimes be very difficult. Sometimes we unwisely try to face life by depending on our own experience and capacity. It is much wiser for us to seek through prayer and divine inspiration to know what to do. Our obedience assures that when required, we can qualify for divine power to accomplish an inspired objective."

Studying this topic has really helped me understand those things that typically give me anxiety, and as you may recall, anxiety does not go hand in hand with my happiness. I know that revelation is real, and that I can receive it when I do my part to receive it. Receiving revelation is active, and happens a lot more than I tend to think. I loved this youtube video* I received in my inbox. It is a good reminder that I am a recipient of revelation all the time, and sometimes forget what that looks like.

 

*This video is included for the sole purpose of inspiring others. I do not encourage forwarding emails to long lists of people unless it is a Christmas card, moving notifications, party invitations, or wedding/baby announcements. 

When Prioritizing Isn't Compromise

It is almost the end of October. I haven't accomplished nearly enough items on my Happiness Project October Resolutions, and you know what....I was a little surprised at my reaction. Instead of getting down on myself for not accomplishing my goals, I was a little relieved. 

This past month has been a whirlwind for my sweetheart and me. I have filled my calendar with things I love to do, and things WE love to do. Keeping up with these events sure puts a lot of my other goal-setting behind. BUT, I have to say, I am completely and utterly happy. I have been able to maintain a balance of things that I should be doing to find my ultimate happiness (my October resolutions), and doing things that really make me happy, and that need to happen. 

I realized that sometimes other things that make me happy SHOULD be put on hold for those other things that make me happy - the more important things. For example, as much as I want to complete my scanning project so I don't have massive amounts of paper around the house, I found that being with people I care about trumps this project. Most often, I find that the time I set aside for my scanning project is interrupted. Typically, I don't like interruptions, but the interruptions I am talking about include a little quality time with my sweetheart, going out with or calling great friends, talking with family members on the phone, etc.

During my Happiness Project, I have also had to learn to put some things on hold in order to meet the basic needs of my home. Just because cleaning isn't part of my happiness project resolutions for the month, doesn't mean that it isn't important to my health and happiness. Sometimes I groan inside to think that I need to do the dishes AGAIN instead of completing my scanning project....and you know what, it is ok. 

There are some things that take priority, and I don't feel like I am 'compromising my happiness' by paying attention to those other things that are necessary for my overall happiness.

Finding Happiness When I Am Overwhelmed with Humanity

Last week, I experienced some "off" days driven by my perception of humanity. I was tired of the news. I was tired of mean people. I was tired of hearing depressing things from the media. I was tired of people always complaining or arguing about what would be best for our country. I lost faith in government. I questioned goodness of the human race - where are all the good people? Pretty intense, huh?

After I was done having all these negative thoughts, I started to think about why. Why was I reacting this way to all this doom and gloom? How could I drum up my happiness by avoiding doom and gloom, and how could I be happy in spite of it? 

While I am not still experiencing these feelings with as much intensity, the feelings of last week are lingering, and I know I have experienced them before. Over the course of this week, I have come up with ways that I can defeat these thoughts should they happen again.

Actively Seek the Good Stuff

I work in an atmosphere that is intimately connected with the media. Last week, the televisions were blaring all the 'bad news' and I felt like I couldn't escape it. In a way my perception about the world/humanity is influenced by media because I am surrounded by it. That is when I realized that in order to defeat media, I needed to search for the happy in media. Searching for the pearls before swine is active. The danger of this attitude is the overexposure of the 'bad stuff' in order to find the 'good stuff', but I had faith I could find something....anything to restore some of my faith in humanity.

And then I saw this: Students Recount Terror Amid Nevada Middle School Shooting, and Nevada School Shooting Victim Was Trained to Help by USA Today. While the details of the shooting are horrific, I was tearfully grateful for a couple things. 1. In the first story, the boys crouched in front of the girls to protect them. 2. There are people out there like Michael Landsberry who stepped in front of the gun to protect students - heroes - just like the school bus driver who protected his school bus kids from a shooter. 

We are surrounded by heroes...who mostly go unnoticed because of all the other 'noise' in the media. I recognize that actively seeking the good stuff is not just media-centric, but last week I had to be creative in how and what I could do to drown out the negative world news I was surrounded by.

Writing Life Down

In the talk O, Remember Remember by President Eyring, he talks about writing things down as a way to remember. Perhaps for him at the time it was something that helped him document his daily activities, but he explains that it became so much more saying, "My point is to urge you to find ways to recognize and remember God’s kindness. It will build our testimonies. You may not keep a journal. You may not share whatever record you keep with those you love and serve. But you and they will be blessed as you remember what the Lord has done."

I recall having similar gloom and doom feelings when I first began this blog. In my post Crossing to Safety I wrote about how hard it was for me to find good things in everyday circumstances. I had an incredible experience where my faith in people was restored. I said, "I happen to know that no matter what surrounds us people are innately kind in nature. BUT this kindness is soft-spoken and doesn't boast. This kindness does not stand out the way unkindness does. This kindness is hidden until one day we look up at the stopped traffic and realize that even the most random act is full of goodness and life." 

I have no doubt that being able to recall times of frustration and how I was able to get over it then, will help me overcome my feelings now. Recalling those times and reading about them to see what I did then, made me feel better.

King's Council

I recently had an enlightening conversation about involving others in order to make decisions that contribute to overall happiness, and about the basis of common ground. Because I was in my "mood", I explained my theory that people like to commiserate about bad things in their life - meaning, people like to complain - in order to find common ground. I shared that being surrounded by whiners and complainers all day only contributed to my loss of faith in humanity.

Example: I live in diverse neighborhood. Most of my neighbors speak limited English, but we are still able to communicate. All of my neighbors are SUPER friendly and amazingly nice. I can tell they are the kind of people who would do anything for anyone. I also noticed that their conversation revolves around everything that is "wrong" at our apartment complex. Just by saying, "Dryer broken" shaking their head or tutting their tongues, I understand and reciprocate by nodding my head thinking, "I can't believe the dryer is broken for the fifth time this year."  These small complaints have allowed me to connect with my neighbors. It is a shame though that our one way of connection is about what isn't working as opposed to what is. Hence my theory that misery loves company and people like to commiserate about bad things in their lives.

My coworker had another thought. As I shared in an earlier post, sometimes talking about things that aren't working is super important, and we should mourn with those that mourn, and therefore express our 'not so awesome' life stories.

I do think there is a balance though between commiserating too much. I have a rule at work: if my employees come to me with a complaint they also have to give me three solutions - otherwise I don't feel like their complaining is an effective use of time. Some of my employees hate this exercise, and most really don't observe it since I don't strictly enforce it. But if I could, I would.

Just like the adage expressed earlier 'misery loves company' I also feel like it is important to be careful about our goal of expressing our concerns. If our goal is to whine, we are most likely to continue to be down. 

The NBC News article Quit Complaining - It May Make You Feel Worse, talks about how venting to friends is unhelpful and unhealthy. The article gives an example of a woman who when faced with a problem vents to her friends. It states, "Her goal is to get it off her chest and feel better about the issue. But often, Merydith finds that venting about her problems has the exact opposite effect. “It makes you more amped up about the problem,” says Merydith, of Charlotte, N.C."

I realized that the goal of venting, expressing, or sharing should be about trying to resolve the issue, or else it just turns into a whine session that makes me feel worse.

After thinking about this for a while, my coworker told me something about the King's Council. He said that instead of complaining, whining, or genuinely trying to figure out what to do to be happy when we are in the dumps, we should establish our own personal King's Council. He suggested that I write down a list of persons who I trust and who I can go to for various troubles. 

For example, if I am having having issues with trying to understand how to be better to my sweetheart, and really feel like I need advice, the best person to chat with might be someone who has perhaps experienced similar situations in their own life. It is also important that my King's Council is made up of those persons who know me best, and who motivate me to be a better person. 

Having limited people on the King's Council can also be challenging. I remember only having one person on my King's Council before, and ended up exhausting them with all my problems and forgetting the main goal to only complain if I have a solution. But I also noticed that even if I had solutions to my problems, I was still causing emotional drain on someone else. We have to be careful not to overload our council members with too much or they won't be able to help.

Conclusion

What a great opportunity share life experiences with a coworker and hear what works for him when he is feeling overwhelmed by life and pessimism. By completing some of these exercises I realized how much I have felt overwhelmed like this in the past, and what I can do to when it hits me in the future. I am still trying to figure out how it can be prevented. 

In general, I think it it is quite normal to lose hope. When it hard for me to find solutions to my problems, I know know that if I want to be happy, I have to be active in making it so. Happiness is more than a choice, it is a way of life (and can be a fantastic journey), and if anyone has ever tried to change life habits, they know that it takes a lot of work. I am just glad I get to keep working at it!

Experiment Sunday: I am a Social Cook

Yesterday was experiment Sunday! I love experiment days! My experiment days typically go something like this:

1. Remove all jewelry
2. Wear something that I don't mind getting oil splotches on just in case my skillets spit. OR wear an apron. Yesterday, I wore an apron...one with pockets. Oh, how I love aprons!
3. Pull my hair back
4. Turn on classical music or jazz 
5. Get out all my ingredients

There was a lot riding on these experiments because we invited some family friends to eat with us, so I couldn't mess up ;) 

To improve the process flow for this amazing experiment, one thing I did differently was I measured out all my ingredients, and put them in separate bowls/dishes. Typically I would just throw them in per the instructions, but the recipe had a lot going on, and with a limited amount of time, measuring was essential.

Here are the two dishes I made:

Butternut Squash Skillet Lasagna: 5 of 5 *'s

What I did: I love cooking with gas, but sometimes it is so hard for me to gauge how HOT it really gets. This transition has not been easy, but I am definitely a gas lover all the way! Mid-way through my process, I had to switch it up, and ended up using most of my dishes (something my sweetheart gives me a hard time about every time I cook). Oh well, deal with it! 

First things first, I didn't have an oven-safe skillet, so I used my amazing ceramic coated dutch oven for roasting the squash. This is where the comment above kicks in. After leaving the gas on to continue simmering all the ingredients, it started to burn. I switched to a regular frying pan to complete the chicken and onion ingredients.I also used a sauce pan to make my butter/flour/milk mixture, but after boiling for a while, it didn't get the thickness I needed, so, I washed my dutch oven and tried that again. It worked perfectly. I combined the squash and the mixture and topped it with my fried chicken and onions and then packed the dish full of noodles.

It turned out amazing. I highly recommend this dish and wouldn't change anything about it. With a little innovation, I was able to make this dish work...and it turned out 5*'s


Turmeric Toasted Cauliflower with Cherry Tomatoes and Cannelloni Beans: 4 of 5*'s

What I did: I followed the recipe as best I could. The only changes I made was covering my dish when in the oven, and using whole onions (because I didn't have shallots). I also couldn't find the nigella seeds anywhere, and didn't include a substitute.

What I recommend: This dish tasted amazing. However, I would change some other things including 

1. Boil the cauliflower and get it semi-soft first. I don't know if this was supposed to be a crunchy dish. I personally like my cauliflower soft. 
2. Use a different dish. The oven dish I used did not allow the dish to marinade in the sauce, so next time I will use a bigger pan so that all the cauliflower is touching the sauce.
3. Add a little spice. The flavor of the cauliflower was good, but it was missing a little zest. I would either add lemon juice for a citrus flavor, and some type of hot sauce. I was thinking roasted peppers or cayenne might work well to bring out some spice, but I wonder how Tapatio would fare in this case.

Otherwise, this was a fabulous dish, which I also totally recommend. 

I love being in the kitchen and cooking. It makes me incredibly happy. What makes me even more happy is when people make yummy noises when they are eating my food. And what makes me even happier than that is cooking for people so we can experience my experiments together. I guess you could say I am a social cook ;)

Fixing What I Can and Recognizing Small Victories

Last night, my sweetheart and I listened to the General Conference talk Like a Broken Vessel by Jeffrey R. Holland, the talk I wrote about in a previous blog post. While there were many things that moved me, I was struck by one particular thought: "Don’t assume you can fix everything, but fix what you can. If those are only small victories, be grateful for them and be patient."

Some of you know that I am a "solutioner." At work, if there is a situation or issue, people come to me to talk about all the different ways we can resolve the issue. In my relationship with my sweetheart, I find that I take the lead  - if there is a problem, I try to fix it. 

Just yesterday, my sweetheart informed me that his car was out of commission for the day. Since he relies on the transportation for his job, and I had driven to my carpool area making my car inaccessible, I listed out all the ways he could find his way to my car and use it for his job. I also had planned on going to a friends house right after work, and had come up with a solution to get there and get home should I need to because my sweetheart had the car. I had it all worked out. This greatly upset my sweetheart. He wasn't ready to have these options. In his mind, he already had a plan for what he wanted to do yesterday, including completing the odds and ends projects that build up around the house. Had I let him tell me what HE wanted to do, I wouldn't have come up with this straight shot trajectory-solution that was clearly headed in a direction so far off where he was planning on heading. 

When given an issue, my assumption is that I can fix it. Back in my early management years, I also thought that my way was the only logical way to fix a problem. I have really had to concentrate on breaking through that way of thinking, especially when it comes to working through life issues. It has really been a hard concept for me to "become as a little child" in order to follow Christ's example. I have had to practice  letting Christ guide me and let Him be the "solutioner." In addition, my way doesn't really play out when there is more than one person involved in a decision...something that doesn't really help in personal and professional relationships.

I find that while I am trying to figure out how to fix things, and it doesn't turn out the way I expect, it is easy for me to get discouraged. I tend to follow the same pattern:

• First, I think that life and solutions should be a certain way, and I sprint for the outcome...most often faster than I have strength
• Second, I feel like I am being guided toward one way or another
• Third, I think that this is the only certain way, and when it doesn't turn out, I get disappointed in myself, and other people
• Fourth, I get angry - angry with everyone
• Fifth, I realize I shouldn't be angry at everyone, and then I get angry with myself for getting angry
• Sixth, I become a little bit meeker, realize that being angry isn't worth it, and lean on Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father for more understanding
• Seventh, I slowly build up courage to keep moving forward
• Eighth, I gain the courage I need and am given the grand blessing - one that I never would have thought of for myself - and realize my outcome is only possible through the blessings of a loving Heavenly family

It is important during these "life moments" that I look at the small victories, and remember that the ultimate solutioners are Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father. I have to do my part to bear up what I can, and cling onto those small victories along the way. 

Two weeks ago, my sweetheart and I attended our fourth Financial Peace University class. We learned about debt (pretty fitting with what is going on with our country). We learned how God describes how we are supposed to react to debt - we being everyone in the world. When speaking about debt, Proverbs 6:5 says: "Deliver thyself as a roe from the hand of the hunter, and as a bird from the hand of the fowler." We were shown a clip of a antelope running away from a cheetah. In the video, Dave Ramsey was yelling RUN, RUN, RUN, RUN. I can't put in words how I felt at that moment. Tears came to my eyes. I was overwhelmed by how much Father in Heaven loves His children. He sees the snares. He sees what can catch us. He is yelling RUN, RUN, RUN. He wants us to be delivered. Read more about the lesson. I was touched beyond measure.

Our little family's small victory last week was going to class. There were several things that could have prevented us from going. But, we needed to hear the message. We needed to know how to make a plan to pay off the student debt we have, and how to stay on top of our finances. We need to be mindful to teach our children about the importance of not spending more than they have so that when situations like what has happened in our country, happen when they are adults, they can be safe knowing they were guided by direct and true principles. 

Before we listened to Elder Holland's talk one more time, I don't know that I would have outlined 'going to class' as a small victory. Now I know that going to class meant so much more to my sweetheart and I than just attending something that makes us feel inspired. This class is helping us become better with our finances so that we can contribute more as a whole. We believe that with all our hearts.

There are lots of games we are playing right now that we want to succeed at: work, school, moving, family, care-taking responsibilities, finances, etc. I know that I can do my best to fix what I can, but that I need to keep in mind that Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father are the ultimate solutioners. I know that I need to be mindful of the timing associated with each victory so that I won't give up too early - so I don't get caught by the cheetah. I also know that recognizing small victories will help us attain larger victories, and that it is only possible when God is coach of the game.

October Resolutions

September's resolutions went really well, and I loved giving a report about them. I am excited to share with you my October resolutions that I started at the beginning of the month.

1. Spirituality: Pray sitting up and study receiving revelation
2. Marriage: Compliment my sweetheart everyday - must be genuine
3. Finances: Actually create a budget and stick to it
4. Family/Friends: Find memorabilia and text/email/inform the finds to family/friends saying "remember when"
5. Intellect: Continue studies on behavioral disorders
6. Health: Resume work out regime "do it now"
7. Time: Start throwing things away. Scan unnecessary but wanted paperwork
8. Passion: Cook an experiment once a week. Finish one book other than intellect studies

Things are going well so far. I have successfully accomplished sitting up to pray so far during the month of October, something that haunts me constantly when I am tired and I end up falling asleep during my personal prayers. It is really hard for God to communicate with someone who puts him on hold because they fall asleep, right ;) I am falling behind on some resolutions like the "do it now" regime, but hope to remedy that for the rest of the month.

Just so you have it, here is a link to my calendar October Resolutions that you can download should you feel so inspired. If you want, Gretchen Rubin also has some templates you can use for your own Happiness Project. 

Here I go!

DC Tour

Touring DC and taking pictures was one of my Happiness Project items. I have gone to the monuments several times, but never really took pictures. We thought it might be a good idea considering we may not live in the DC area for very much longer. Being able to cross this off my list of things I need to do makes me very happy!

Every time I go to work, whether I take the metro, the bus, or carpool, I always think "Woah, I live here....how cool is that." Sure, it is easy for me to take it for granted, and even murmur about how much I hate traffic and that I have to plan on getting places on time by leaving an hour early. In the end, I live in an amazing place. I am surrounded by amazing culture, art, education, architecture, food....I could go on. I love this place.