Happiness Project and Blog

I am currently reading a book called The Happiness Project. I was given this recommendation last year when I felt stagnant, and felt like I was whining about the same things every single day. I think what struck me the most about this book was the honesty of the author, Gretchen Rubin. She said that she didn't write the book because she was super depressed, but that she felt like she could obtain a deeper happiness in the already 'happy' life she was living, call it a journey to joy...or whatever. 

I admire her for taking into account that others may be extremely struggling to find happiness, where some of us are moderately struggling. And so now, I am taking in the thoughts of someone else's happiness project, and will be excited to start mine after I complete the book. I could do it prior, but I want to relish in the book before I go hog wild. Something about me - I am a go-getter. Those who know me well are probably saying sarcastically, "No way, YOU?" I'm afraid that I could tackle this project without too much research or thought, and so, I must study it out in my mind before I do it. I have already started changing some of the things I do that could contribute to my happiness project, like digging out old journals, finishing projects laying around the house, etc., but the full blown project has not yet begun. I need to figure out other things that contribute happiness, and in particular my happiness before I act. My rule: If I jump before I get to the diving block, I will just land on the pool deck.

Regardless, I am super enamored with the future idea of starting my own Happiness Project, and can't wait to get started. In the meantime, might I suggest a little taste in what I am reading? Here is Gretchen's blog.

You Thought I Was Done Posting About Our Wedding...Didn't You?

I am not quite finished posting about our wedding day. Want a glance?

Click here to view this photo book larger

Plug for Shutterfly photo books. Super excited to get mine in the mail!

22 Things Happy People Do Differently

I have been contemplating happiness lately. I saw this article that I loved that matches up with my personal beliefs on the topic. Enjoy!

22 Things Happy People Do Differently

by Chiara Fucarino. 

Disclaimer: This article is not intended to address those with mental illness or clinical depression.

There are two types of people in the world: those who choose to be happy, and those who choose to be unhappy. Contrary to popular belief, happiness doesn’t come from fame, fortune, other people, or material possessions. Rather, it comes from within. The richest person in the world could be miserable while a person living in the slums of a third world country could be happy and content. I have spent plenty of time amongst both groups to have seen it first hand. Happy people are happy because they make themselves happy. They maintain a positive outlook on life and remain at peace with themselves.
The question is: how do they do that?

It’s quite simple. Happy people have good habits that enhance their lives. They do things differently. Ask any happy person, and they will tell you that they …

1. Don’t hold grudges.
Happy people understand that it’s better to forgive and forget than to let their negative feelings crowd out their positive feelings. Holding a grudge has a lot of detrimental effects on your wellbeing, including increased depression, anxiety, and stress. Why let anyone who has wronged you have power over you? If you let go of all your grudges, you’ll gain a clear conscience and enough energy to enjoy the good things in life.

2. Treat everyone with kindness.
Did you know that it has been scientifically proven that being kind makes you happier? Every time you perform a selfless act, your brain produces serotonin, a hormone that eases tension and lifts your spirits. Not only that, but treating people with love, dignity, and respect also allows you to build stronger relationships.

3. See problems as challenges.
The word “problem” is never part of a happy person’s vocabulary. A problem is viewed as a drawback, a struggle, or an unstable situation while a challenge is viewed as something positive like an opportunity, a task, or a dare. Whenever you face an obstacle, try looking at it as a challenge.

4. Express gratitude for what they already have.
There’s a popular saying that goes something like this: “The happiest people don’t have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have.” You will have a deeper sense of contentment if you count your blessings instead of yearning for what you don’t have.

5. Dream big.
People who get into the habit of dreaming big are more likely to accomplish their goals than those who don’t. If you dare to dream big, your mind will put itself in a focused and positive state.

6. Don’t sweat the small stuff.
Happy people ask themselves, “Will this problem matter a year from now?” They understand that life’s too short to get worked up over trivial situations. Letting things roll off your back will definitely put you at ease to enjoy the more important things in life.

7. Speak well of others.
Being nice feels better than being mean. As fun as gossiping is, it usually leaves you feeling guilty and resentful. Saying nice things about other people encourages you to think positive, non-judgmental thoughts.

8. Never make excuses.
Benjamin Franklin once said, “He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.” Happy people don’t make excuses or blame others for their own failures in life. Instead, they own up to their mistakes and, by doing so, they proactively try to change for the better.

9. Get absorbed into the present.
Happy people don’t dwell on the past or worry about the future. They savor the present. They let themselves get immersed in whatever they’re doing at the moment. Stop and smell the roses.

10. Wake up at the same time every morning.
Have you noticed that a lot of successful people tend to be early risers? Waking up at the same time every morning stabilizes your circadian rhythm, increases productivity, and puts you in a calm and centered state.

11. Avoid social comparison.
Everyone works at his own pace, so why compare yourself to others? If you think you’re better than someone else, you gain an unhealthy sense of superiority. If you think someone else is better than you, you end up feeling bad about yourself. You’ll be happier if you focus on your own progress and praise others on theirs.

12. Choose friends wisely.
Misery loves company. That’s why it’s important to surround yourself with optimistic people who will encourage you to achieve your goals. The more positive energy you have around you, the better you will feel about yourself.

13. Never seek approval from others.
Happy people don’t care what others think of them. They follow their own hearts without letting naysayers discourage them. They understand that it’s impossible to please everyone. Listen to what people have to say, but never seek anyone’s approval but your own.

14. Take the time to listen.
Talk less; listen more. Listening keeps your mind open to others’ wisdoms and outlooks on the world. The more intensely you listen, the quieter your mind gets, and the more content you feel.

15. Nurture social relationships.
A lonely person is a miserable person. Happy people understand how important it is to have strong, healthy relationships. Always take the time to see and talk to your family, friends, or significant other.

16. Meditate.
Meditating silences your mind and helps you find inner peace. You don’t have to be a zen master to pull it off. Happy people know how to silence their minds anywhere and anytime they need to calm their nerves.

17. Eat well.
Junk food makes you sluggish, and it’s difficult to be happy when you’re in that kind of state. Everything you eat directly affects your body’s ability to produce hormones, which will dictate your moods, energy, and mental focus. Be sure to eat foods that will keep your mind and body in good shape.

18. Exercise.
Studies have shown that exercise raises happiness levels just as much as Zoloft does. Exercising also boosts your self-esteem and gives you a higher sense of self-accomplishment.

19. Live minimally.
Happy people rarely keep clutter around the house because they know that extra belongings weigh them down and make them feel overwhelmed and stressed out. Some studies have concluded that Europeans are a lot happier than Americans are, which is interesting because they live in smaller homes, drive simpler cars, and own fewer items.

20. Tell the truth.
Lying stresses you out, corrodes your self-esteem, and makes you unlikeable. The truth will set you free. Being honest improves your mental health and builds others’ trust in you. Always be truthful, and never apologize for it.

21. Establish personal control.
Happy people have the ability to choose their own destinies. They don’t let others tell them how they should live their lives. Being in complete control of one’s own life brings positive feelings and a great sense of self-worth.

22. Accept what cannot be changed.
Once you accept the fact that life is not fair, you’ll be more at peace with yourself. Instead of obsessing over how unfair life is, just focus on what you can control and change it for the better.

31...barely!

 
Thanks Mom for the super cute video!

Quality Assurance on My Life

Several years ago a good friend complimented me on my personal and spiritual growth. Having known me for 6+ years, he had seen how far I had come in trusting the Lord, and doing good. It was such a comfort to know that someone else recognized these changes in me. Every once in a while, I do this internal check. It just so happens that I never know when this check will happen. It's funny, my pre-PMP test mode makes me think that I am giving myself 'quality assurance and verification.' At these times, I am most sobered by everything I am NOT doing. I have always been my worst critic, but I often feel that I need to be in order to grow. 

Lately, I confess, I have gone through one of the most trying periods of my life. I have had opportunities to share some of them with you. I have struggled with dealing with trials. I haven't felt graceful. I complain the whole time. I feel myself put a pavilion between me and God because I want a break. I am often tired, and everything reflects a poor attitude. Then I realize I need to shape up, but not before I have a minimal breakdown and get mad at myself for not doing better. Then I get a little upset with God because I don't want to stretch anymore. I think "Really, don't You think You have stretched me enough....I'm tired, could you just ease up a little bit?" Then I realize the request is ridiculous, getting mad at God isn't worth it, and I let Him do what He needs so that I can better understand what he expects of me.

From the book Teaching of the President's of the Church: Lorenzo Snow, Chapter 7, Faithfulness in Times of Trial, it says: "The Lord has determined in His heart that He will try us until He knows what He can do with us. He tried His Son Jesus. … Before He [the Savior] came upon earth the Father had watched His course and knew that He could depend upon Him when the salvation of worlds should be at stake; and He was not disappointed. So in regard to ourselves. He will try us, and continue to try us, in order that He may place us in the highest positions in life and put upon us the most sacred responsibilities."

No matter how many times I read and hear about how trials are meant to strengthen, I still have to go through my internal quality check.

In the same book, Chapter 8, Search Me Oh God and Know My Heart, it says "… We must be true men and true women; we must have faith largely developed, and we must be worthy of the companionship of the Holy Ghost to aid us in the work of righteousness all the day long, to enable us to sacrifice our own will to the will of the Father, to battle against our fallen nature, and to do right for the love of doing right, keeping our eye single to the honor and glory of God. To do this there must be an inward feeling of the mind that is conscious of the responsibility that we are under, that recognizes the fact that the eye of God is upon us and that our every act and the motives that prompt it must be accounted for; and we must be constantly en rapport [in harmony] with the Spirit of the Lord."

At the end of the day, I need to let the Lord work me and stretch me, so that He knows what I am capable of. I need to let changes happen by being proactive and positive about the outcome, because when I do, I am happier.

The Marriage Learning Curve, Lesson 5: Confess Your Expenses, Even if You May Think They Are Justified

Sweetheart and I are saving our pennies. Yes, that's right. Even though we both have great jobs, we have had to altar our comfortable lifestyle and be careful about spending. We have both been down this road before, but for some reason, it is harder to do together. How could this be?? The road is long and hard, especially with different spending habits. 

In the meantime, I went to the library on Saturday to study. I find the best studying happens there. The parking lot was crowded, and it made me happy to think that so many people were going to the library. Little did I know that the whole library was having a book sale. I knew that concentrating might be tough, but I went forward with headphones, highlighters, pens, and books. I set all my things up, got ready to go, and couldn't stop thinking about all those books for sale. I won't say that I bit my nails, because I have since stopped that nasty habit, even though sweetheart might tell you differently. 

After reading two paragraphs of my PMP book, I couldn't take it anymore, I had to participate in the sale, and by participate I mean act as the purchaser/buyer. I wandered the aisles of full bookcases in wonder. I felt like Belle on Beauty and the Beast, like Joe from Little Women. I wanted to read each cover, but I told sweetheart that I was studying, and really, I needed to study. So, I only read a couple. I ended up buying 10 books. With the purchase out of the way, I could finally sigh with relief and get back to studying. I knew sweetheart and I were meeting up later, so I finished up, but not before I checked one more area for other books that I might have missed. I ended up buying 6 more books. 16 books!!

At this point I was reluctant to tell sweetheart. I mean, here we are pinching and saving, eating Ramen again, and I go off and spend money on books. I was ashamed, and felt super guilty. But I was able to justify myself into the purchases thinking, "These are books I just bought...BOOKS. There is nothing wrong with buying something that will invigorate my mind, help me learn and grow, could potentially help my children learn and grow, right? AND it is helping the children of Fairfax...way to go Fairfax County library!"

Either way, I decided I wasn't going to tell sweetheart about the purchase, and kept the books in the backseat of my car, where he might never look.

The first thing I blurted out when I saw sweetheart again was "There was a book sale at the library today, and I didn't think I could study, but I did." (Insert nervous laugh here). We ended up talking about this and that and I was quickly able to avoid the conversation that I just spent a lot of moola on books. (Wipe forehead "Whew"). 

Sweetheart and I ended up taking an excursion to Dora Kelly Nature Park. We took my car on the way there and he saw the bag of books and said, "Huh, did you find the sale?" I sheepishly looked at him and said, "No! Who do you think I am!?" The subject was dropped, and we had a lovely evening together.

The next day after church, because I was feeling penitent, and even though I knew that he already knew, I said "Honey, I have a confession. I bought a bunch of books at the sale yesterday." We just looked at each other and laughed. Of course he already knew, and confessed he knew the moment I said "book sale."

It is a sad day when I have to hide my purchased books in the backseat of my car ;) Good thing I really didn't hide them. And that is where my next piece of advice for marrieds comes from - don't keep expenditures from each other, and if you do....make it funny.

I guess I better tell him I bought a couple boxes of cookies yesterday too, even though we are over our grocery budget.....

The Marriage Learning Curve, Lesson 4: There is Timing for Two

One of the hardest things for me to understand is timing - that everything has its season. I have always had a hard time with this concept, especially when I was single. Remember my posts regarding Timing and Hope: Nobody's Fool, and Another blog about dating? Even after having 'coped' with the idea for so long, I find myself needing to recall what I learned, and understand that the Lord is not only working with my time table, but also working with sweetheart's too. Which means that now I have to learn not to worry about timing in mine and his life.

Talking about where we want to be in the next several years, kids, jobs, finances, etc., is SO tiring. Trying to seek inspiration for myself has never been my strong suit. The way I receive inspiration and the way my sweetheart receives inspiration is so different, you can see why our conversations about the future are so frustrating. My sweetheart lives his life and things just happen. I plan, and then things happen. Again, I must say how hard it is for me to let things happen. I have always been one of those girls that has to do everything I can then let the Lord take over the rest. However, during MY process, I tend to get weary, frustrated, and end up questioning my faith and hope in everything. So, why can't I just try it my sweetheart's way, and just roll with it? I think the first step for me is renewing my faith in the concept of timing.

I am reading The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd.

I don't want to spoil it, but one chapter really struck a chord with me. Essentially, the main character is having a hard time coping with some hard situations in her life, and has a hard time facing truth. Her heart needed healing and needed strength. Her mentor tells her: "There's a fullness of time for things, Lily. You have to know when to prod and when to be quiet, when to let things take their course."

I have not been succeeding on the "knowing when to prod and when to be quiet" portion. When I am in conversation with my sweetheart, it is so hard for me to understand how he has learned to make decisions. My way is so very different...but that's just it...that was MY way. And to be honest MY way is certainly not the best way sometimes, particularly when it comes to timing.

In a talk, Timing, given by Dallin H. Oaks, he says:

"The familiar observation that “timing is everything” surely overstates the point, but timing is vital. We read in Ecclesiastes:

“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

“A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; …

“A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

“… A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; …

“… A time to keep silence, and a time to speak” (Eccl. 3:1–2, 4–5, 7).

In all the important decisions in our lives, what is most important is to do the right thing. Second, and only slightly behind the first, is to do the right thing at the right time. People who do the right thing at the wrong time can be frustrated and ineffective. They can even be confused about whether they made the right choice when what was wrong was not their choice but their timing.

My first point on the subject of timing is that the Lord has His own timetable. “My words are sure and shall not fail,” the Lord taught the early elders of this dispensation. “But,” He continued, “all things must come to pass in their time” (D&C 64:31–32).

The first principle of the gospel is faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. Faith means trust—trust in God’s will, trust in His way of doing things, and trust in His timetable. We should not try to impose our timetable on His. As Elder Neal A. Maxwell of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles has said:

“The issue for us is trusting God enough to trust also His timing. If we can truly believe He has our welfare at heart, may we not let His plans unfold as He thinks best? The same is true with the second coming and with all those matters wherein our faith needs to include faith in the Lord’s timing for us personally, not just in His overall plans and purposes.” ¹

Indeed, we cannot have true faith in the Lord without also having complete trust in the Lord’s will and in the Lord’s timing.

In our service in the Lord’s Church we should remember that when is just as important as who, what, where, and how."

I need to remember that my sweetheart and I are both in this learning process together, and that when we trust in the Lord's timing we will be happy. I understand that there is a season of learning and opportunities that will come to my sweetheart, another season for opportunities for me, and a season for us. I know that as my sweetheart is directed by inspiration about our next steps, what jobs to take, where to live, etc, that I will be alongside him and will support him. When the scriptures tell us to 'cleave' to one another, this is what is meant. As my sweetheart follows the words of the Lord, I will follow my sweetheart.

In the meantime, I know we can't be lazy about it. We still have to work, pray, seek inspiration through the Spirit of Christ, involve others, read scripture, etc. This small testimony I have about timing helps me worry less about where we need to be and the 'right way' to make decisions. It helps me focus on being present and seeing the miracles around me. I am better able to love the one I am with. Even if the road my sweetheart wants to take isn't the road I may have typically gone down in the past, this testimony of timing helps me realize that there is probably another road we haven't seen yet. Even if the third road is not there, my testimony of timing helps me merge onto his road.