Ready for Love-PS I love you

The first thing you don’t want to do when you are lovesick and hormonal is watch a chick flick that leaves you feeling absolutely lonely despite the fact that you are surrounded by people you love and who love you. It’s true. You don’t….absolutely silliness really!

Well, I did….and let me tell you….wow! The movie I am referring to is PS I Love You. I thought it was going to be this cheesy rendition of something that was far from reality…like many chick flicks can be. The movie took me by complete surprise. I cried, I laughed and I was totally moved by the story line. I was so moved that I have really been thinking about it since I saw it last Wednesday. In fact, I am now borrowing the book, looked online for the soundtrack and now own the DVD. It was crazy really how much I connected with the characters in the film. Not saying I experienced the loss that Holly, the main character, did, but I totally understood her. I felt her pain, I felt her healing, I felt the love that her husband had for her….and you know what I realized? I want that. I desire it. Sometimes, depending on the time of day, I crave it.

To be real honest, I am lonely without true love. I fully admit it. I always get this kind of emotional twice a month, where I cry for no reason, trying to hide my tears. Finally, I just let them go. Ah, how healing it is to cry. I love crying. I used to get teased about it growing up because I cried so much. Now, anyone can tease me all they want. I think crying is awesome. I could get defensive and say that I cry because I have a really big heart….but really, I love crying. It is such a release. My tears for the past couple days have been because I desire love. A romantic love, a love that lasts, a love that holds partners together through the toughest circumstances, a love that an old couple can look back on and truly say, “I couldn’t have done it without you.” Cheesy? Only something you would see in movies? I think not! It is so real. Sure, it comes with its ups and downs…and that is what makes true love, true. I am not looking at it through rose-colored glasses. I get the reality.

Normally, I do really well with chick flicks. I don’t normally let them get me down in the dumps about my current situation. It is Hollywood after all, and Hollywood doesn’t know my life, or what has defined my singledom and future romances. I could watch Pride and Prejudice every day and not feel the least bit sad about ‘my status.’ If anything, it provides hope about the Darcy characters that are truly out there, just looking to love a woman…in spite of all her …. faults/weaknesses/inadequacies, whatever ;) But after watching this film…I pondered a lot about true love. Is it the Wesley/ Buttercups love that that I crave…ah no, it is the Holly/Gerry’s love that I crave.

I watched it a second time and am now reading the book. I am not so much down anymore about it. But I have realized something that only India Arie can describe in her album, Acoustic Soul:

I am ready for love
Why are you hiding from me
I'd quickly give my freedom
To be held in your captivity

I am ready for love
All of the joy and the pain
And all the time that it takes
Just to stay in your good grace
Lately I've been thinking
Maybe you're not ready for me
Maybe you think I need to learn maturity
They say watch what you ask for
Cause you might receive
But if you ask me tomorrow
I'll say the same thing

I am ready for love
Would you please lend me your ear?
I promise I won't complain
I just need you to acknowledge I am here

If you give me half a chance
I'll prove this to you
I will be patient, kind, faithful and true
To a man who loves music
A man who loves art
Respect's the spirit world
And thinks with his heart

I am ready for love
If you'll take me in your hands
I will learn what you teach
And do the best that I can

I am ready for love
Here with an offering of
My voice
My Eyes
My soul
My mind

Tell me what is enough
To prove I am ready for love

I am ready