Reflections

You have generally read my reflections as 'life's lessons' or 'little lessons learned.' I recognize that I, indeed, have learned a lot in the past two weeks about myself and about God. Therefore, I will share my reflections.

I have learned that:

• Despite the fact I give myself a time limit to feeling a certain way, it doesn't mean that the time limit will work. I realized that even as it may become easier to cast disappointment aside, that it will still hurt from time to time. That is all part of growth.
• Surrounding myself by loved ones who love me unconditionally is a GREAT blessing when I am struggling.
• The Lord keeps His promises, which was not something that I really believed before. But now I can say that I know it. I still struggle with this concept sometimes, but the foundation of this truth has been laid, I just need to start building on what I know.
• There is someone who will care about me enough to want to be with me. That despite the fact I have quirks and weaknesses, that it will work out. I, in turn, will always try to be the best person I can be in order to work on those funny things about myself that will contribute to a life of learning about Jesus Christ and His plan of happiness through growing experiences and self-mastery.
• Even if someone I care about doesn't care about me in the same way, that I need to accept their reasoning as something that is valid and unarguable. In other words, I need to respect that they know what is best for them and what will help them grow and succeed in the long run. I am still struggling to accept this as it has been very easy for me to place blame and play the victim card when things in my life haven't gone the direction I would have hoped.
• The Lord is really with me all the time through disappointed hopes by sending me friends and family who care about me no matter what and who see my value as a women and child of God when I don't have the ability to look beyond my despair.
• Under the circumstances, I have actually grown up a little bit and have more of an opportunity to grow close to my Father in Heaven and trust that He knows what is best for me, even when I think that what is best for me is behind me and I have no control over it.
• There is a lot to look forward too, something that in the past, I have not been able to recognize.
• I need to look at past romantic relationships as 'opportunities passed' instead of 'disappointed expectations.'
• I know that I can get through these situations when I rely on my Savior to help me do better than I did last time. The reality is that there are still some days where my anxieties take over and I forget about everything I have learned about myself and my Father in Heaven and His plan. It almost seems like I can never relax in understanding His plan for me, and that satan grabs a hold of everything I know is true and slams it against the wall. It is exhausting sometimes trying to keep the adversary away from my thoughts. But I know light prevails against darkness. It has always been and will continue to be.
  

I sound so grown-up, don't I? ;)

Inspired Graffiti

Normally, I don't condone graffiti unless it has been sanctioned by some organization or something, but today I may have had a change of heart. In the bathroom at the University of Utah library and a place where all my best pondering takes place, someone had written 'Practice Tolerance' on the back of the toilet paper holder. The word 'Tolerance' had been crossed out and was replaced with the word 'Acceptance.' I found this little piece of graffiti, especially the way it was constructed (someone's original thought, replaced by words of wisdom by someone else) to be rather refreshing.

It seems that tolerance is something that is in place as a precursor to acceptance. There are so many things that were once tolerated that over time have become accepted. I find that acceptance is actually a more peaceful resolution to barriers that may exist in any circumstance. So, while it may be prudent to practice tolerance, it is almost more effective to practice the end outcome, in this case - acceptance. So, thank you dear graffiti artist for giving me something to think about in the quiet thrones of the University of Utah library bathroom.

I'm Not Crazy

I have had to look at my school schedule at least 20 times this past week. After chatting with friends post-holidays, I started having a freak out that school was starting already. No, I haven't had those dreams where I forget my locker combo, or forget to dress before school starts, but I have had to re-check online several times just to make sure that school really does start on January 11. Most friends ask "When do you start school?" just to inquire about it...I then freak thinking that maybe I was supposed to have already started school. So, the University system can include me on making them popular on their CPC campaigns since I have clicked on them enough times to make them noticed on google.

No, Lindsey, the school date did not change over the holidays...and no Lindsey, you are not crazy.

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas....and what did I tell Santa I wanted...? Well, I can't tell you exactly what I want, but I have been asking for the same thing for 7 years now. If that wasn't a dead give-away, at least Santa knows and he said he would do his best ;)

Merry Christmas to everyone. May you have a wonderful time with family and friends this year and watch Linus as he tells us what Christmas is really all about!

One down...

Two more papers to go...oh and a presentation. Friday seems so close, yet so far away!

FOCUS, BREATHE, COMPLETE

When I go....

Sitting in the salon chair getting my head massaged today was one of the most exciting and rather heavenly moments I have ever had. I was at peace, nothing could alter my calm as the salon coordinator sent my scalp on a journey from a dry desert wasteland to a beautiful thriving oasis of goodness and sensation. There is nothing like getting a good scalp massage. The thing about my salon is that they do not ever deprive my scalp of a good time. Perhaps to keep my business, a 10-minute scalp massage is always included in the price of my cut. My head has never felt so good! There is nothing like when the salon coordinator hits those tender spots on my head that make the tips of my fingers go numb. Don't even get me started on how I feel about the circular motions near my temples, behind my ears and a good ole neck-to-scalp teaser.

If not to stimulate the roots of my hair, this experience stimulated my mind to thinking that when I go, it better be in the amazing finger-to-head moment with my salon coordinator.

I'm an Auntie

YAY!! Little Allie Nelson was born Saturday at 11:57 a.m. She weighed 6 lbs 10 ounces and was a good 19 inches long. I woke up on Saturday around 9:15 a.m. Trying to wrestle my body that wanted to stay wrapped up in my warm blankets until at least 10, but I knew that I needed to get ready to go to the Festival of Trees to meet a friend. Around 9:30 a.m. I searched for my phone that I accidentally left in the kitchen. I picked it up heading out the door and noticed that I had 10 missed calls. I immediately began to worry seeing everyone from my dad, mom, Jordan (brother-in-law) to my grandpa listed on my 'missed calls' profile.

See, Allie was not expected to be born until December 24th, so I listened to the first voicemail from my mom who said "Jamie went into labor, so I am coming tomorrow at 9:15, you need to pick me up." I looked at the clock that said 9:35 a.m. CRAP. I called mom. Sure enough, mom had found another ride to the hospital. WHOOPS.

I then proceeded to listen to the rest of the messages all of which let me know Jamie was headed to the hospital...I even got a message from Jamie, which made me burst into tears. Jamie was going to be a mom!! I was so excited.

I walked into the hospital room with no expectations. There was Jamie so peaceful...apparently that look of peace only happens when you are drugged ;) I immediately went to her bedside to kiss her head and hold her hand to tell her that she was superwoman and I couldn't believe this day was already here. But the moment overcame me and I just started crying instead a little frozen at the scene. Then, I saw my brother-in-law holding little Allie. My heart gave out. There she was. And there was my mom. I looked around in awe at this little family, all beaming. It's as if they all knew that this little person would change their lives forever...and in a good way. And guess what, I get to be a part of it too!

The rest of the day was spent pondering this amazing time in the lives of my sister, Jordan and little Allie. I am so excited for my family and can't wait to watch her grow up...but not too fast because she really is the cutest baby I have ever seen!! I have yet to discuss with the parents if I can post pics of their baby on this public forum...so, until then, you can see this little amazing person on my facebook.

YAY!!!