It is when things go beyond the first date that I wonder, hmmm, “How much Lindsey, is too much Lindsey?” I would have to say it is all about keeping it real.
When it comes to extreme dating (meaning doing things that are absolutely nuts, like a four-day date, meeting the family on the 3rd date, or just not slowing down and having to do everything in one shot,) it is important that I not attach myself to any expectation other than to have an awesome time.
Meeting the Family: I have never had a problem with dudes meeting my family. It is actually quite normal. From my years living at home, I always loved when I could invite boys in before or after a date to converse with the family. My family is totally cool, fun and spunky…and I always enjoyed having them participate in my dating life. It’s true. I still do. So, meeting the family is just a normal thing for me.
It can get rather sticky if I start seeing someone and automatically introduce him to the family. I realize that it might be awkward for him. Well, call me extreme, but lately I have been introducing my family on the 3rd or 4th date. I find that when I joke about it…it calms my man down. I make jokes with light, sarcastic tones about meeting the fam. I then make jokes about my dad, his gun, and intimidation factor (which is totally not true because my dad is a teddy bear). So when my man meets him, he thinks, “Gee, Lindsey’s dad isn’t so bad after all.” Which in my mind really increases brownie points.
When it comes to me meeting the fam…I love it! Again, no matter what my man has said about his family, I go in full steam ahead and get to know them the best I can. Recently, I noticed that when I meet the family, I am more apt to stay in the ‘safe zone.’ The family doesn’t need to know that I am crazy and chatter like a chipmunk when I get excited. It doesn’t mean that I am not being myself, but I cool it down in those situations and allow them to show me what their lives are all about.
During my four-day date this weekend in San Diego, I stayed at my date’s house with his family. Nothing awkward for me, but I wasn’t sure of my boundaries. I normally don’t have a problem adjusting to change, so I decided it was best to play it more passive than aggressive. I noticed when I visited with my family in the same weekend trip, I was a different person, in a sense that I knew my boundaries and was more comfortable to joke, be funny and walk around in a towel.
Four-Day Dates: My poor date! I am sure he is absolutely sick of me. He goes to bed – I am there…at his house. He wakes up – I am there…at his house. He wants some of his own time…I am there…at his house. He wants to do something just for him….ah, but there is Lindsey to deal with. OI! BUT hence extreme dating. So, here is what I learned from this extreme dating experience:
- Sometimes silence is ok (that was a really hard one for me. Everyone knows how I like to talk, especially about myself ;)
- Do things he likes to do, not necessarily what the both of us ‘want’ to do. Unfortunately, the four-day date is over, but I should have been keener on doing things that he really likes to do. The trick is that we did stuff we both wanted to do…but it wouldn’t have killed me to let him win in a two-man volleyball smack down, or go play some put-put golf, or go to a golfing range where he could have taught me how to hit…or let him finish showing me pictures of his last trip. I totally spaced it!
- Independence Rules. Sometimes visiting people means I am dependent on them to drive me places, feed me, serve me….blech. I was completely dependent on my date and his family to provide. What advice do I have on this subject? Let’s brainstorm on how I can be more independent while yet dependent: bring my computer and do some work. Bring books to study (planning on doing things I really should be doing). Make phone calls and separate myself from my date to give him more space. Go grocery shopping with my mom prior to going to his house so I don’t eat them out of their house. Pay for stuff too. I did not expect for him to pay for everything. I chipped in too. I am sure he needed his independence too. Something I will do better….next time ;)
- Freaking out is not an option. Freaking out is a no-win situation. The person my date knew and first met was confident, independent, fun and absolutely crazy. He got me there, so why should I freak out about being myself. Stop wigging out. Sweaty palms, butterflies, and not wanting to get in the way is like stubbing your toe, it halts progress and sometimes hurts. No freaking out.
One important fact about extreme dating is that it is important to concentrate on the amazing things we did: Hot-tubbing, swimming, going to the beach, reading, eating the world’s best sushi, running into old buddies at Moonlight, eating at least a dozen chocolate chip cookies, making breakfast, cooking up some rockin steak, going to the drive-in, running into buddies at the drive-in, watching Phantom of the Opera in pimped out clothes in a pimped out theater in some pretty wicked awesome seats, falling in love with the Phantom and crying during the last scene (yes, I am sure he cried too ;) renting movies, buying the Phantom movie, hanging with his family, holding babies, chatting with his mom about quilting, going to church, engaging conversation, Sea World with my family…the list goes on. No need to worry!
The four-day date was awesome…and highly recommended with someone you think is pretty cool… ;)