Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Provoking Articles, Part 1: Lies that Destroy Marriage and Other Little Tidbits

I have had a lot of different ideas flowing through my mind lately. I decided to a round-up of the top articles that I have been reading and researching that have inspired some deep thoughts and enabled me to develop my own opinions. I love that there are so many people out there dedicated to learning and sharing, just like me. Here is the first of many posts of things that have been on my mind.

The question I have for my readers: What are the lies that you have had to discover in your marriage, and how have you defeated them?

Feel free to share your thoughts and opinions on anything that you may read. I would love to know what you have to say. In fact, argue with me if you want is good to have perspectives from all sides.

The Lie that Almost Destroyed My Marriage, by Scissortail Silk Becky Thompson

Interesting Quote(s):

"I married the wrong guy.
It was the lie that played over and over in my mind for years.

It was the base of every fight. It plagued our disagreements. It promised destruction.

But I couldn’t make it go away, and it almost cost us everything."

{Lindsey's musings}: By divine inspiration and guidance, the author knew there were certain things she needed to accomplish and be a part of, and struggled to understand how this would fit in with this marriage. Her expectation for 'how' her marriage and dreams were supposed to happen were unrealized, and she worked hard to figure out 'how.'

She writes "The more I pushed, and the more he resisted, the deeper the roots grew of a little lie that I didn’t even know I had planted…
"I married the wrong guy, Lord. How I am I supposed to complete this work that you’ve placed in my heart? How am I supposed to change a generation by myself?”

And instead of listening for the Lord’s response, I began to listen to the lie.

“You can’t,” It sneered. “You’re finished. Your dream is dead. You picked him over the plans God had for you. You’re done, and God’s done with you.”

I believed it.

And the lie grew into fear. I was scared that I had missed it. I was scared that the more my husband followed his dreams, the more it meant I had given up my own.

I blamed my husband. I blamed a perfectly innocent man who had only loved me and trusted God and followed the passions of his own heart."

My Opinion

I too have struggled with the 'how,' particularly in my marriage. From my youth, I knew I had a greater calling to be a wife and mother, and I wanted it - I strove for it, because I chose it and it chose me. It is no secret that I had a hard time being single for so long (just read my posts Ready for Love, Another Blog About Dating). In a culture that marries younger than average, I struggled with the fact I didn't get married until I was significantly older than any of my friends. 

Looking back, there were lessons I needed to learn - obviously, because isn't that what married people are always telling single people to tell themselves when they are frustrated with being single? I digress. Here's the deal - I thought I learned my lessons, or at least learned them enough. I thought I learned patience. I thought I learned how to better control my expectations. I thought I knew enough about how to have long-lasting meaningful relationships

Fact is - what I thought I knew has been tested and tried to the extreme! What I thought I mastered is only just a little bump on this highway of married life. It is a guarantee that I will continue to learn. There will also be days where I come up short - that is just reality. I am grateful to know though, that when I put God at the helm, through my faith, I will be able to recognize my weaknesses and know what I need to do to make those weaknesses become strengths.

I loved the article mentioned above and respect that Becky re-evaluated the situation and opened herself up to God's divine counsel and wisdom. Later in the article she said,

"God didn’t change my husband’s heart. He didn’t give Him new desires to become a pastor. No. He simply took my broken heart, and gave me a new one. He exposed the lie. He spoke Truth over me again, and pulled up every last tendril of that untruth. He wrapped me in the security of His love and whispered, “You didn’t miss it. I’m not done with you. Your husband has given his life for you, and now I’m going to teach you what it means to love him… because he is the one that I have chosen for you. Together, you will complete the plans that I have for you both.”

"I saw God come and bring restoration. We experienced unity and trust for the first time in years. I didn’t only trust my husband; I trusted God and His voice of Truth. I believed again that I knew what His voice sounded like, and I began to hear it more clearly. New life began to grow in our marriage as we learned what it meant to be one with each other and with the Lord. And we experienced peace and felt hope for the first time in years."

The lie I found myself believing is that there is someone out there better suited for me and my needs - how selfish. Another lie I found myself combating is how much easier life would be if I were single again - how selfish. Thank you Becky, for exposing exactly what the adversary would have us think about this amazing gift, and for exposing something I have struggled with since the beginning of my marriage - pride.

Instead of thinking about all the things my sweetheart needs to do to be a better husband, lover, future father of my children, spiritual mentor, etc., I renewed my commitment to open myself up to understand what I can do to improve myself in this marriage. I renewed my commitment to find God so that instead of worrying so much about the 'how' I could focus on the here and now, and enjoy this journey - because it is meant to be joyful!

More on the Marriage Learning Curve

Marriage Learning Curve, Lesson 1: Choose Your Battles
Marriage Learning Curve, Lesson 2: Speak Well of and to Your Spouse
Marriage Learning Curve, Lesson 3: Love The Person You Found  
Marriage Learning Curve, Lesson 4: There is Timing for Two 
Marriage Learning Curve, Lesson 5: Confess Your Expenses, Even if You Feel They are Justified
Marriage Learning Curve, Lesson 6: Opportunity to Grow 
Marriage Learning Curve, Lesson 7: Compliment Each Other Daily 

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