How does one start after one year hiatus from the blog world?
I sit in my quiet, barely lit room. There is nothing quite like a soft yellow light in a corner on a dark night. It is comforting, somehow. The heater is blowing through the vent, rustling the feathers of my red and black masquerade ball mask. I hear my neighbor kids getting goofy in the snow, their yells reminding me of Spring....which we are far from.
My bed is made - quite the accomplishment for me since I also took a one year hiatus from that. I love having a made bed....it dresses up my room for when I return, like it is saying, "Welcome home, Lindsey. You did a great job today. You deserve to be dressed up for." I sit, waiting.
My Sweetheart and I have a couple sayings that find their way into our conversation at least 3 times per day. One of them is "Where is Snugs?" Snugs is the nickname for Little Bundle. At first it was Mr. Snuggles, then Snuggles, then Snuggie; now it is just Snugs.
Yes, where is he?
When Snugs was first born, I had an identity crisis. I wasn't used to not working, and staying home taking care of a baby. I couldn't separate who I was from my job. I found myself asking, "Who am I without my job? What do I even like? Do I really like jazz music? Do I really like traveling?" My identity went missing and I was at a loss for at least 3 days.
Snugs slept all the time, so it wasn't like he demanded attention....I just wasn't going to work - that was all. I wasn't trying to adjust to being a mom, I was trying to adjust to not going to work. Weird.
Now I am back at work, and Snugs goes to a nanny. As he gets older and older, I get more and more anxious to be with him. BUT I love where I am. I love where we are as a family. I love life. I am happy.
When I am with Snugs, I am truly WITH him...and that means more to me than anything else. It also means that I miss him even when he is in the next room.
"I'm sorry Snugs, you can't sleep because Mommy wants to play with you."
Evening engagements are hard for me to attend, and I relish lunch hour where I get to see him, if only for 35 minutes. He is the best part of my day. We have a bed time routine where I sing him a couple songs and then put him down. Keep in mind, it isn't because he needs this - he is so good that when I put him down, he goes down - the routine is for mommy, so I can spend just a little more time with him.
Lately, I have been putting him down to sleep later and later than his usual bedtime. When I do put him down, I ask My Sweetheart, "Can we just wake him?"
Life is good.