The anxiety to 'need to get there now' is not new for me. If you recall, my desire to have outcomes available RIGHT NOW has been something I have been dealing with my entire adult life. Proof: my posts about Patience, and Notwithstanding My Weakness.
Just yesterday when I was looking at our finances, I knew that we were going to be hit with a HUGE moving bill, and that it would be a struggle to gain what we lost for this move. All of a sudden everything I had been focused on, all the good stuff, went out the window, and I just want to be back to where we were financially RIGHT NOW!
The good stuff went like this:
- My sweetheart is so happy here - it is a night and day difference
- The air in this part of the country is so good for our lungs
- We have more time with each other instead of commuting everyday
- The grocery store is literally 2 minutes for our apartment
- I have a wonderful job with so much responsibility, autonomy, and flexibility
- I am grateful for my company for taking a chance on me and my BIG ideas!
- I love our apartment!
- I love the community!
- Gas is $3.08 at Maverick....OMGoodness, that's awesome
- We have hot water
- We have enough food in our fridge for several meals...which means I get to be creative on what we eat
- I have time to cook, workout, make the bed, do laundry, read, and sleep ALL outside of my work schedule!
The bad stuff went like this:
- Why haven't we earned enough over the past year to feel secure now?
- We are so valuable and haven't been paid jack for our services!
- If only he/I had better negotiation skills, maybe we would be earning more
- If I were still single, I wouldn't have had to pay $1270 for rent plus utilities in DC, I could have paid $500 plus some change and saved a bazillion dollars
- We can't have a child right now!!
- If only he/I didn't buy that one thing that cost a bazillion dollars, we could afford meat at the grocery store
- Why haven't you sold that thing you wanted to sell online yet?
- Do you really have to get an oil change, again?
- Yes, I NEED the hot air to be at 70 during the day!
Am I an anxious person, or am I just SUPER aware? Yup, you are right, I am anxious....and we all remember what happens when I get anxious: Anxiety is not Happiness. In remembering my 13 commandments my very first one says, " It is what it is, embrace it, be grateful for it." Quoting myself from my blog post mentioned above, I need to remember, "At the end of the day, I have to remember that God intends that I am happy - that if I do my best, and have an active faith in Him, that things will work, and not necessarily in any way that I could have imagined."