Wednesday, May 14, 2008
I said I would get back to you about my experiment with men's mood swings in response to the article Your man’s mood swings by Elise Nersesian and so, here I am...getting back to you! I would love to hear some experiments of your very own too...
I must premise that I said I would conduct the experiment with 3 boys that I am dating...well, it just so happens that I am currently not dating nor interested in anyone in order to form the results desired. However, I did not give up on the experiment and tried a couple things with other boys in my life.
Test #1 - The Sympathetic Dad
Of course the first boy of my choice was my Dad. Sure, a daddy's girl at heart, my dad and I have an interesting relationship. When I call, the conversation is always:
Me: Hi Dad
Dad: Hi Lindsey
Me: How are you?
Dad: Good. How are you?
Me: Well, I am a little sad today?
Dad: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that....here is your Mom.
He has never been one to listen to me when things aren't going so great. I also noticed that my phone calls to him have always been in the morning...a time according to the article when men have all this energy to do physical things...and can't concentrate really on the emotional things. So, I proceeded to call my dad up in the evening to talk to him about my life and tell him how things are going...besides just the phone calls where he asks how my car is, if my air conditioning is working, how the house is! Well, I am proud to report that my dad and I had a great sentimental conversation. I do have to add though, that I had to tell him that I wanted to speak with him and only him and that I needed him to listen fully to what I had to say, before he spoke.
I think had I called him earlier in the day to talk about my life's decisions that other things would have occupied his mind and he wouldn't have been fully present to our conversation.
I would like to suggest that the author was correct in her assumption that this timeframe provided an intimate moment to have an actual conversation with my father that I hope benefited the both of us.
Test #2 - Unwanted advice
Sometimes I like to complain. I wouldn't label myself as a complainer, but I do it sometimes. I find that when I do, I don't necessarily expect feedback. When people complain to me, I let them complain, just to vent. I find that it is not necessarily an invitation to come up with solutions...some people don't want advice. I had a moment like that with a friend...let's call him Fred. I told Fred that I was in a complaining mood (as I am very aware of my emotions), and told him that I just wanted to vent, but wasn't looking for any advice. I should have heeded the article a little better, because -after all- I was talking to him during the morning hours! According to the article, "...guys wake up bursting with testosterone. And aside from the obvious frisky factor, this surge in hormones makes him ambitious and determined." The article points out that men like to feel like 'Mr. Fix-it' and I would like to add that at this time during the day they also turn into the 'Mr. Must Provide Solutions Even Though You Don't Want Them' syndrome.
Needless to say, as the conversation ended with Fred, I was even more frustrated than before. Sure, nothing was wrong, but I perfectly described the intention of the phone call prior to me even drawing out my complaints! What's the deal, right? So, I then proceeded to call Fred to talk about my obvious frustration, but I waited until after 8:00 p.m. During that conversation, he was more attentive and sincere and I was able to complain about my problem complaining....and found that because of his sincerity and 'cuddle factor,' I found solutions for myself and confided in him more because of it. It certainly drew Fred and I closer! I love the after 8 man!
Test #3 - The committed uncommitted
I have yet another friend, let's call him Bill. Bill and I have a very interesting relationship. Sure, I thought we would be awesome together...but things just haven't gone that direction and I am ok with that. See, Bill is committed to being uncommitted. Though he has expressed to me that it is something he is working on, it has taken quite a while for me to really believe him...and really not let it bother me. I just had to realize that he was really just that...uncommitted...and that there is nothing wrong with that!
In the course of our friendship, I have asked Bill to participate with me in many activities, including those where I have tried to hook him up with other girls (remember how we are just friends). Anyway, I would normally call him in the evening. Little did I realize that he was contemplating his life and trying to be sentimental in his decision-making...who knows, but that is my educated guess.
It wasn't until I called him between the hours of 3 and 4 that I got a true commitment from him and he followed through. The commitment was to attend a class with me that truly changed my perspective on life and I wanted so much for him to experience his own little transformation. Needless to say, the class actually went into detail about the commitments we make in life and if we are really committed to them. After the class, Bill began to make and keep commitments he made with me and I found that he normally called in the mid-afternoon.
In conclusion, and through my very little experimentation, I would have to agree with the article written by Ms. Nersesian and will continue my experimentation in hopes to have more meaningful relationships based on open communication that happens only after 8:00 p.m. at night!